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A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

A place for stay at home mums and dads to discuss life as a full-time parent.

SAHP

Should I finish work?

25 replies

Pursuitofhappiness · 14/12/2015 19:52

Literally what it says on the tin! I'm a teacher, my son is 3 and starting school in Sept. I really want to pick him up and drop him off. Furthermore, I'd love to be able to get involved in the wider life of the school. What're your thoughts? I'd love to hear them-I'm stuck!

OP posts:

Report

LittlestLightOnTheTree · 14/12/2015 19:58

What are your partners views?

Pursuitofhappiness · 14/12/2015 19:59

He'd really like me to finish, happy to support me. I'd plan to tutor at home.

OP posts:

winterswan · 14/12/2015 20:01

I wouldn't ...

StealthPolarBear · 14/12/2015 20:06

Well how much do you like your job? Do uou have a partner? Bills to pay?

NickyEds · 14/12/2015 22:13

I would...I did! Well not teaching but I'm a SAHM and I don't want to work outside school hours for many years (my children are still very young). I've got friends with slightly older children who say that childcare just gets harder and harder, despite the prevalent idea that it's easier when they start school. If it's something you want to do and your partner is supportive then why not?

rollonthesummer · 14/12/2015 22:15

Surely it depends on whether you can afford to live without your salary?

spaceyboo · 14/12/2015 22:16

My sister in law is a teacher and works key time - that allows her to make drop offs and pick ups, as well as join school governors etc. You don't have to give up work completely unless of course you want to.

Duckdeamon · 14/12/2015 22:16

Are you married? If not, being a SAHP is taking a big financial risk.

Would PT work be an option?

As a teacher you get most of the holidays with the DC, which is actually a big chunk of the year.

Philoslothy · 14/12/2015 22:18

I was a teacher who stopped work to be at home. It was the best decision I have ever made.

superbfairywren · 15/12/2015 06:39

It's an entirely personal decision. Only you know whether you want to, you have to work out what your priorities are and thinking about the future whether it will be difficult to get back into a job you would like.
I think it would be so lovely to drop your kids off at school and pick up again to have that time together but is it a worthwhile drop to lose your salary entirely? Will you need to take a different job to fit in school hours(I have found part time jobs which actually pay well to be scarce where I am)? Like a pp said, you currently have all the school holidays which is a wonderful thing, if you had to take a different pt job in future you likely wouldn't have that.
I am a sahm but I have a one year old, I will likely have to go back to work to some extent in the next two years but would love to be off until she goes to school. Then I think I will have to work probably ft again to find a job that pays enough but would ideally work school hours so I could do drop off etc.

NickyEds · 15/12/2015 12:55

Duck if both names are on any property etc then being married makes very little difference- being a SAHM is a big financial risk full stop. That doesn't means you shouldn't do it though, risks can be mitigated and sometimes you have to do what's best for your family now.

Toffeelatteplease · 15/12/2015 12:56

Without doubt I would go part time.

potap123 · 15/12/2015 13:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mouldycheesefan · 15/12/2015 13:08

Work part time best of both worlds

ImperialBlether · 15/12/2015 13:32

I wouldn't reduce my hours unless I was married.

mouldycheesefan · 15/12/2015 13:34

Op doesn't say she isn't married
But I agree with the advice if she is not

Riderontheswarm · 15/12/2015 13:40

You'd need to give more details. Can you afford it being the main one. If you can, I would say go for it. I did. It works very well for us and I haven't regretted it once.

LaurieLemons · 15/12/2015 13:59

So you'd plan to tutor while DS is at school? That sounds like a good idea, if you want to and you can 100% afford to then I'd definitely go for it!

ImperialBlether · 15/12/2015 14:29

She can't tutor while her son is in school - the children she'd be tutoring would also be in school!

OP, tutoring usually takes place from 4pm - 7pm or on Saturday mornings. It can be pretty hard to build up a number of clients and of course they can just stop coming, so that source of income from that client has gone.

What will your child do while you're tutoring?

rollonthesummer · 15/12/2015 14:43

I know 4 or 5 teachers who planned to give up and tutor when their own children started school. It didn't work out for any of them. The hours involved were 3-7pm which were not easy to find childcare for and the planning time involved meant they were not actually making much money in the end.

Two went back to teaching part time and the others do supply now.

ImperialBlether · 15/12/2015 16:37

A .5 contract can be the best of both worlds. You still have a pension, you still receive training, you have an income and you can be off work half the week.

DrGoogleWillSeeYouNow · 15/12/2015 16:44

If you're not married, then absolutely you should not give up full time work.

If you are married, then go part time.

Tutoring sounds great if working evenings and weekends are your thing. You'll be picking your children up from school to drop them straight off with a childminder, or leaving them with your DH/DP while you tutor. You'll probably miss a lot of tea-times, some bedtimes and a a half day during the weekend.

Personally I preferred to work during the day while DS was at school.

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NickyEds · 15/12/2015 20:09

Please don't let this married/unmarried thing sway you op. It's a bit of a red herring as we have nowhere near enough information to say whether it would make you more or less secure- it could be that the op owns 100 houses in her own right and her dp has massive debts or that everything is in joint names with no private pensions so half of nothing is nothing. In any case if it is a problem it's easily solved but it's a career not a wedding that provides financial security.
I think you need to look at the big picture;
-Can you afford this? It isn't just that you lose a wage, it cost money to be at home. Our heating bill has gone up for instance, also whilst there are some really good free things to do sooner of later you will hit the gin soft play/wacky warehouse type places.
-Is your dp totally happy with this?

Do you want more dc? When?

-Are you thinking of giving up indefinitely, until your dc are in secondary, 5 years, 10?? How easy would it be to return to work if you wanted to?

I was actually going to start a thread about jobs you can do in school hours and only school hours because I'm struggling to find many- would you be ok being a SAHM if the tutoring didn't pan out? For what it's worth I think being a SAHM is a fab thing to do but I wasn't giving up as potentially secure a career as you.

ImperialBlether · 15/12/2015 21:21

Actually the OP did make it clear, Nicky. Someone asked, right at the top of the thread, "What are your partner's views?" and she replied, "He'd really like me to finish, happy to support me. I'd plan to tutor at home."

So it doesn't sound as though she has 100 houses after all.

TheLesserSpottedBee · 19/12/2015 18:23

The marriage thing is usually if you separate a wife has more rights to stay in the "marital home" than if you are partners even if you are both on the mortgage and the deeds. That is only from my limited experience of MN legal board though. The courts view marriage differently than co-habiting.

I have been a SAHM for 11 years, my children are 12 and 9. I love it. But I did work part time and juggle childcare after my first child was born. So I have something to compare it to.

The main thing would be to work out whether you can survive on one wage and worst case scenarios ie you have a dry spell tutoring. You also need to hash out money and access to money and what you believe the responsibilities of each person is.

For me I do everything, bins out, mow the lawn, all shopping food and clothing wise for the children and sometimes Dh. Laundry, ironing, cleaning. I am responsible for making sure cards are sent for birthdays etc, all admin for the house falls to me except car insurance. I don't know why and dentist appointment booking because it has to fit into his work day.

I have full access to all money, I am not accountable on a day to day basis on what I spend money on. Dh does not micromanage money. Each year we sit down and look at everything we have spent, what we could cut back on, what we are happy with etc

We have been together nearly 20 years, married for 16+. It comes down to trust, respect and expectations. I know he won't do something stupid with money and he knows I won't be buying a £500 pair of shoes.

Good luck!

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