Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Advice needed for friend who's been kicked out

15 replies

QueenEagle · 14/08/2005 21:42

Earlier this evening my friend was kicked out of her home by her dp after a row. She is staying at another friend's house tonight but needs to know where she stands.

The house is owned by her dp. Does she have any right to half of the house? What's the law when you aren't married?

She has 5 kids - the older 3 from ex-dh are staying with their father so are out of the way for now whilst all this is going on. But she has 2 toddlers aged 3 and 18mths who are staying at the house with dp tonight. He is threatening that she is not going to get them back and he will not allow her back in the house.

What does she do now? CAB or straight to a solicitor first thing tomorrow? She doesn't work so would probably be entitled to legal aid.

OP posts:

Report

starlover · 14/08/2005 21:44

hmm i think she may be entitled to stuff if she can prove how long she has lived there, and particularly if she has helped pay bills etc
i may be wrong though
i expect someone will come along who knows their stuff though

Report

QueenEagle · 14/08/2005 21:48

They've been together 5 years in total and lived in this house for about 9 months.

OP posts:

Report

bonkerz · 14/08/2005 21:50

I was in this situation 5 years ago after having ds. EXP decided to chuck me out and not let me back in. I wasnt entitled to anything cos his name was on mortgage etc and ended up down the council and had to live in a b&b till i found a flat then got a council house a year later. Best advice would be to get the children with her then go straight to council and plead homelessness. Not the easiest thing to do but if she leaves her children with him too long he can claim she left them!

Report

Easy · 14/08/2005 21:50

I think she's on dodgy ground for very much at all, except for maintenance for his children.

However, it is also very unlikely that he will get custody of the children (unless he can prove she's an unfit mother), esp. if he works and she doesn't. He would certainly have to prove adequate childcare was in place, and fast.

She should see a solicitor who does legal aid work PDQ, ask first for a fixed fee interview, which will give her the outline of what to do immediately.

Oh, why don't people formalise their relationships, before bringing kids into the equation?

Report

bonkerz · 14/08/2005 21:56

sometimes EASY we dont look in our crystal ball and we dont see a breakup coming!! Sorry but i do feel thats a silly thing to say!! I am now married and having my first child with my dh but that is hardly a guarentee that all will be ok is it?

Report

bonkerz · 14/08/2005 21:57

I didnt get pregnant thinking 'oh great i will move in with the daddy and have this baby then become homeless and be a single parent!!@

Report

QueenEagle · 14/08/2005 22:20

Easy - you do have a point. Before my friend agreed to buying a house with her dp, I told her to make sure her name was on the mortgage or at least have soemthing written up to sfaeguard her interests if anything should go wrong. Her MIL put a substantial amount of money into the deposit and verbally agreed that she wouldn't be seen out on the streets if they split up. I warned her that she'd be a fool to not get something in writing but she made the decision not to - I would hazard a guess because she was unable to stand up to her MIL and dp, who together make a formidable team. Sadly, I think she has been very naive (sp?)

That doesn't alter the fact that right now she is in deep shit and he )and his family) will walk all over her because he is an arrogant tosser. All the best intentions of goodwill have long gone out of the window. He drinks every day and has subjected her to verbal abuse when he is drunk and she believes she has a case of mental cruelty against him. I only hope she will be strong enough to stand up to him and go through with maybe getting an injunction against him on these grounds.

OP posts:

Report

Easy · 14/08/2005 22:26

Bonkerz, No getting married certainly doesn't give any guarantee of success of a relationship, but it does give BOTH parties a set of legal rights if it should go wrong.

And surely we've all seen enough couples split up to know that even those who are 'totally, utterly besotted' at the beginning CAN fall out of love eventually.

I just think that having children is the ultimate committment, and you really should get all the 'paperwork' sorted first.

But, hey, I'm just an old fuddy-duddy, everyone is entitled to live their lives as they please, I guess.

Report

Easy · 14/08/2005 22:29

QE,

Your friend MUST make the point to her solicitor about her p's drinking and abusive behaviour. She must also line up somewhere somewhere to stay with her toddlers. Then she can take steps quickly to get custody f the kids.

Sounds ike this will turn nasty.

Report

Easy · 14/08/2005 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

QueenEagle · 14/08/2005 22:33

Yes I think this will turn nasty. She needs somewhere to stay with all 5 of her kids though. Although the older ones stay with their dad for the weekends, it wouldn't be possible for them to stay with him for any length of time. She really needs to be in the house - but dp has taken her keys off her.

OP posts:

Report

steffee · 14/08/2005 22:42

My dh has done this to me a few times and we're married and our house is in both names!!

I'd suggest she rings a refuge, then goes for her kids. If need be she'll have to go to the police and ask them to escort her back to the house to pick up her children because she doesn't trust her dp to look after them properly (he kicked her out on the streets after all). Once she's in the refuge she can go on the council waiting list but it might be a long time before she gets a house (though her and 5 kids in one room should speed things up!).

Report

QueenEagle · 15/08/2005 22:30

Have been out with my friend this evening for a drink and chat. She has seen a solicitor today and told if her dp won't let her have the kids, she will have to take him to court to fight for custody.

She is also off to see the housing people tomorrow and is likely to be given emergency accommodation.

She was thrown quite literally out on the streets with just the clothes she was standing in - what a bastard her dp is.

OP posts:

Report

Easy · 16/08/2005 10:16

QE, you're right, he is, but can I just ask what she is supposed to have done to warrant his behaviour?

I know it's none of my business, just prurient nosiness I guess.

Report

QueenEagle · 16/08/2005 22:45

She hasn't done anything wrong. She has put up with him spending every evening except one night per week in the pub. His life revolves around the pub. She has spent 5 years hoping he will change one day. He would rather piss his wages up the wall and see his kids go without food or nappies.

Tonight I have helped her load what belongings she can into my car and moved her into a homeless refuge. It is a shithole and her (now ex) dp stood watching her load the car up, ignored her completely but making polite small talk with her friends who came to help her out. I could punch his lights out.

He has agreed to let her have the kids back though and she is collecting them tomorrow.

What a guy.