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SECOND BEST?

(14 Posts)
bonkerz Mon 18-Jul-05 23:14:17

Have just found out that although my mum has said she has no money and can only send £5 each for ds and dsd birthday (next week)she is giving my sisters 2 children £10 each.(2 weeks time!) Am really annoyed at this. We do live 2 hours away but i dont think that should mean my children are treated as 2nd best. Should i confront my mum? We dont have the best relationship any way and she is always pleading poverty to me but accepts presents from us! Her birthday is on thursday and ive spent £30 on her present. Its not the amount just that its different from what she is giving her other grand children.

Do you think i should accept this or not?

liandme Tue 19-Jul-05 00:03:07

i wouldnt but i have same problem with my mum over my wedding she paid out in total£1000 for sis and so far £750 for brother for me £86 i am really annoyed but have decided to show her i dont need her money

bonkerz Tue 19-Jul-05 07:37:29

im still angry about this and the more i think about it the more cross i get! Just cos mum and i dont get on should my children suffer? Its always been the same, sis got pregnant at 16 and mum was happy and bought her a really expensive pram, i got pregnant at 21 and mum said i was stupid and did nothing to help with the baby!

Fran1 Tue 19-Jul-05 07:43:06

Why is she telling you how much she is going to send in advance?

saadia Tue 19-Jul-05 08:09:09

This is a difficult one. I would be tempted to not give her her present or get something cheaper. She should treat all her grandkids equally.

jamboure Tue 19-Jul-05 08:12:08

i would say something- but then thats me!!!!!!


Imagine when your kids are older and also find out they are being treated differently from their cousins, it will hurt like mad, say something now to stop it going any further

MarsLady Tue 19-Jul-05 08:12:44

I think you should take a deep breath and let it go.

Your kids will see her for what she is in time. There is too much going on in life to become bitter over this.

I honestly think you should let it go and continue to enjoy your kids. Otherwise this will just keep getting in the way.

Goes around comes around.....

Just cos she's mean doesn't mean you have to be. As to her pressie. Do what you will, but remember to choose your battles wisely.

jessicaandbumpsmummy Tue 19-Jul-05 08:14:25

Going through the same with my MIL at the moment, and keep being told i am better than that.... rise above it but i totally know where you are coming from x

W0MBAT Tue 19-Jul-05 08:16:51

I totally agree with marslady. The best way you can deal with this is not sink to her level.

Have you ever asked her why she treats you differently to your sister?

ninah Tue 19-Jul-05 09:35:20

hello bonkerz
I know where you are coming from and how very hurtful and infuriating this is. It may help to see your mum as a bit peripheral to your main family, which is you dp and children. Well it helps me when my dad is being unfair (like leaving me out of discussions about mum's funeral/will)

ninah Tue 19-Jul-05 09:37:45

and re the title of this thread DON'T let it mean you ever see yourself as second best just cos your mum acts like this
If you ask them why they treat you differently they deny it in my exp!

assumedname Tue 19-Jul-05 09:41:43

Every time she pleads poverty to you, just tell her you're in the same boat and isn't it terrible, blah, blah blah. Hopefully she'll get fed up with it.

Get her something a lot cheaper for her present and tell her it's all you can afford.

How did you find out about what she's giving your sister's kids?

W0MBAT Tue 19-Jul-05 10:01:44

Just so you know bonkerz, my comment about asking your mum why she treats you differently, was not intended to mean there may be a rational reason for this. I am just wondering whether discussing this with her might make her realise how unreasonable she is being. However, I can understand that some people are totally aware of their actions and drawing attention to the matter is just what they want.

ninah Tue 19-Jul-05 10:02:45

yup or they get defensive and cross cos they Know it's unfair!

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