my partner is like 2 different people/

[emzy]

hi,i just wanted to know what other people thought,i met my partner about 5 trs ago after binging up my daughter alone,we met through a business friend of mine who he worked for.I had been having a very tough time and he promised to look after me and my daughter.To cut a very long story short he quit his job because he was so unhappy and moved in with me.At the time i was earning very good money with my own business,however after 8 mths he still hadnt looked for a job,but just came up with all these stupid ideas to make us money.Anyway i lost the business and had to sell the house coz i was 42k in debt.We decided to come to spain where things realy fell apart,that was 2yrs ago and i have used up all my savings supporting us.I wouldnt say he was lazy just dosnt live in the real world.Our every day relationship was very loving and he got on with my daughter till about a yr ago.One minute hes fine the next hell go mad ,he started realy shouting at my daughter and me ,sometimes would smash things up and once even called my daughter a c**t,for which i punched him.Last oct i started a new job but after 2 mths had a major breakdown-he then went and took over my job.At xmas my daughter who is 14 refused to return coz she hated spain so much.He has refused to acknowledge that he was anything to do with the problem and says she made his life hell.He blames me for bringing us to spain.I love my daughter very much ,want to be with her;but i am now suffering with severe clinical depression and am terrified of coping alone in the uk.Sometimes he is supportive and says he will help me,othertimes he is realy nasty ,says that ive dragged him down and ruined his life.My daughter talks to him on msn and they seem to get on fine,but he says he doesnt want to live with her and wont come back to the uk.I am at my wits end ,i am totally bereft without my daughter but am now so depressed i cant even get out of bed.Iwant to do whats best but dont know where to start,i feel ive messed up big time and feel incredibly guilty and confused.Sometimes he is so lovely!Cant forgive him for swearing at my daughter though.Help

[Blondeinlondon]

Sorry to hear you are having such a bad time.
Do you have any family in the UK you could stay with?

[Diddle]

Sounds terrible, i know this will be hard to hear and easy for me to say but you need to leave, you need to pack your bags and head home.
You're obviously not happy and i would imagine feel very isolated in Spain. I would come back to the UK and get some help with your depression and spend time with your daughter. Life is very precious and you only have one stab at it, enjoy her while you can, and live each day to the full, we never know when it could be our last.

[emzy]

thanks for the advice guys,no idont have anyone to stay with.What is it that makes you think i should leave Diddle,apart from obviously getting my daughter back;am terrified that my depression will get worse having nowhere to live but oh god i want my daughter.

[stressedmummy]

Your dh sounds quite a lot like mine.
He also has 2 sides to him. A nice side & a really nasty side, where he says really nasty things & sometimes smashes things up etc.
I am seeing my HV & have just started having counselling (today)
I am getting to the point where I cannot take any more of this abuse, but have not yet got the stregnth to leave.
Do you have any support?

[emzy]

To stressedmummy,thats realy abig part of the problem-i hve noone in spain,in fact i havnt seen or spoken to anyone else in 7 mths.In the uk i have no family,just 2 good friends that each live in seperate towns.When i left my ex who was REALY abusive and violent,i found it easier as my grandparents were still alive and helped me emotionally and financially,also i wasnt depressed,just dreadfully unhappy-now i feel i have nowhere to turn.

[stressedmummy]

Oh bless you. I can understand how horrible it must be for you & how low you must feel.
I don't tend to tell many RL friends, for fear of anything getting back to H, but am getting support from my HV, counsellor & of course MN!
It must be absolutly awful for you to not have your daughter around.
Is there no way you could get yourself back to the UK?