Some of you might have read about my latest infatuation nightmare. I keep droning on about it and it's getting boring but I'm getting quite distressed.
Years ago I was in abusive relationship but I fell in love with another man at Uni.We ended up going away for the summer on a long field trip abroad with other students. . We were from the same town. He also had a girlfriend so nothing happened.
I split up from abusive twat.
Amazing man split up from his girlfriend. He comes back to my home town. He clearly likes me. He invites me to the family home and tries to get me into bed. We hang out but I push him away by sleeping with other guys and telling him to make him jealous. I'm also terrified of getting involved as I know that if we slept together I would fall hard and I didn't want to get hurt. Meanwhile I am abusing alchohol to try to numb pain that abusive twat caused me. Amazing man eventually gets fed up me and buggers off (I don't blame him)
Fast foward 10 years. I am a single mum. I meet amazing man in home town. He invites me to his sister's NCT group at the family home. I am so excited to be near him again. Go to group. Lovely mums, lovely sister, lovely group. Turns out amazing man has a girlfriend and I am GUTTED. I cannot stop beating myself up for pushing him away. He always waves at me and last time he went red but I cannot get over him.
I love my NCT group and don't want to stop going but it's killing me being near him and not being able to be with him.
I have so many regrets. WHY, WHY, WHY didn't I take my chance to be happy with him. Since he got fed up with me I have dated a string of loosers when he is anything but a looser.It's like I have deliberately sabotaged my own happiness. In life If there is a crossroads, i always take the path that leads to doom instead of happiness.
I am soo fed up with the drama.
Im just wondering why i keep choosing men that hurt me and not lovely men like him.
I didn't tell the whole story before to protect anonymity and I am still wary but i no longer care as i just need to let the pain out.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I am rubbish at relationships and right now quite despairing. Going round in circles. Long sorry.
16 replies
poshsinglemum · 08/11/2009 22:54
OP posts:
rasputin ·
08/11/2009 23:12
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
dittany ·
08/11/2009 23:20
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
rasputin ·
08/11/2009 23:31
This reply has been deleted
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.