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counselling success ?

(6 Posts)
seth Wed 04-Nov-09 16:31:55

My husband left me after about 6 months of not getting on 3 weeks ago. We have a 2.5 year old daughter and I then found out I was pregnant 5 days after he left. I have told him and whilst he seemed to have moved on pretty quickly from leaving us (although his main priority he assures me is being the best dad he can be (!)) the news that I was pregnant just floored him. He said all sorts of things like "I look at you and don't feel anything' and "I just don't love you any more" and "There is no us"... All pretty final stuff.....He wouldn't consider counselling as he "knows his feelings so there is no point'. He also said that he will support me in whatever decision I make re the baby but also that I have to make that decision on my own.
Yesterday he called me saying that he is missing our daughter so much and cannot imagine a life without her or only seeing her at weekends.... and is also beginning to see the consequences of what he has done rather than just focus on the bad relationship, so he actually thinks that counselling is a good idea for her and for us so we are going on Monday. I feel as if I should be happy at this minor breakthrough but also feel disheartened that its seems to be only because he misses our daughter. Does anyone have any good experiences of 'trying to work at it for the kids' and then ending up falling in love again or is it doomed to fail ?! Can I ever trust him again after all the things he has said ?

messymissy Wed 04-Nov-09 16:43:32

firstly, congratulations on being pregnant, I hope with all the stress you are going through that you are finding time to look after yourself.

I think you could learn to trust him if you can forgive him for the hurt his words and leaving has caused you.

I think counseling is a good idea as it will help the pair of you discover the reasons for the split and a way to be together in the future, be it as a couple or as separated parents of your DD and new baby.

I really feel for you, am in similiarish boat myself but joint counseling is not an option for us and we are left to struggle on our own.

seth Wed 04-Nov-09 16:51:40

sorry to hear about that and thanks for your positive words. I think I have to assume day to day that there is no 'us' and try and get stronger so that I don't have any expectations and then can't be let down. back at work on Monday after 3 weeks off with stress... eeek

norksinmywaistband Wed 04-Nov-09 17:06:21

I think the counselling can be good.

I am in the process of reconcilling with my ex, who left saying things like I don't love you anymore and our relationship has run its course.

We initially went for indivdual counselling, which was the breakthrough point for both of us. had 3 months then went for relationship counselling which is easing us through the reconciliation process

If you love him and want to give it a go then do. I had similar fears as you, as in he is only doing this for the DC, but counselling has let us open and honestly discuss these fears.

He now says he loves me to bits - the new me( I have come a long way as a person following running a household alone. and my counselling addrssing issues from my past) And I believe him grin

norksinmywaistband Wed 04-Nov-09 17:07:44

The counselling is expensive though, DH now has a massive CC bill, which will be a joint one in about 4 weeks

norksinmywaistband Wed 04-Nov-09 17:09:28

I agree BTW you must se it as you on your own and get on with it. I have been on my own for 9 months now and I still am not 100% sure I won't be on 1st Dec you have to be strong for yourself and your DC and give yourself some space before considering the joint counselling

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