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What is the truth? All seems a bit weird...

(13 Posts)
LoubyLoubyLouLa Wed 14-Oct-09 22:23:51

I have a male friend who has a 8 year old daughter. The relationship with the mother is non-existant. He has been seeing the child only in a 'contact centre' with supervision.

Recently he has been to court to look at access and he has told me that he has to be assessed to get contact and has been talking to 'people' (I'm assuming Social Workers) over the past few days and they have decided that he can no longer see his daughter.

Now I'm thinking this just doesn't sit right. Surely they only ban fathers from seeing their children for really, really good reasons (violence, drugs etc)?

I'm thinking that I haven't really been told the whole story...

What do you think?

AcademicMum Wed 14-Oct-09 23:10:37

Why is the relationship with the mother so bad?

Why won't she let him see his child on his own?

It does sound odd, but could she have been making vicious accusations (sp?) without foundation just to be a bitch?

Not exactly unheard of. What did you think of him as a dad before the split? Sometimes we come down too easily on the side of the "poor-victim" mother but forget that sometimes dads can be the victims too.

Why don't you just ask him outright?

Slambang Wed 14-Oct-09 23:12:22

not the whole story hmm

LoveBeingAMummy Wed 14-Oct-09 23:15:46

Agree with slam, if it was due to lies surly he wouldn have commented on that.

MadameDefarge Wed 14-Oct-09 23:28:56

"I have a male friend who isnt allowed to see their child apart from in a contact centre" and yet you know nothing about the circumstances that led to this situation?

And apparently now contact has been cut? yet you know absolutely nothing at all?

You sound ridiculous.

EcoMouse Wed 14-Oct-09 23:30:57

Something's not right. In fact, something's very wrong with the story you've been told.

Someone being prevented from seeing their children, even under the supervision of a contact centre is usually a response to something deemed an extreme child protection issue.

MadameDefarge Wed 14-Oct-09 23:31:23

I'm sorry to be harsh, I know this isn't AIBU, but you must see your post seems bizarre...either he is a friend and you not knowing is weird, or he is an acquaintance and indeed you don't know the full story.

bentneckwine1 Wed 14-Oct-09 23:39:11

My sister took up with a man who was apparently in exactly the same situation. Had been allowed to see his daughter in a contact centre then had this removed and no longer had any contact.

This rang so many alarm bells for us as a family...but my sister believed him when he told her that his exwife was 'the difficult sort'. We tried to point out that the courts don't just remove a fathers contact without good reason but she wouldn't hear of it...until she arrived at my house at 3am in the morning after he beat her up.

The policewoman taking the statement struggled to bite her tongue when this story about the difficult exwife stopping contact was told - 'you obviously aren't the first or likely to be the last he has raised his hands to. That's why the man didn't see his daughter'.

So...sorry but I really don't think that he is telling you the whole story...hopefully you will be able to get to the bottom of it all.

LoubyLoubyLouLa Thu 15-Oct-09 12:11:05

Thanks for your replies.

I agree Madame D looking at the OP it does look a little bizarre. He is an old friend who I haven't seen for about 10 years. We bumped into each other and he told me the about having a daughter but not seeing her and said that her mother is a bitch, making contact difficult etc...

Anyways, I think that you have all confirmed my fears that the whole story is not being told (and nor does he have to tell me the whole story).

I also have some other concerns about his 'lifestyle choices' that make me think that rekindling the friendship may not be a good idea.

ilovemydogandmrobama Thu 15-Oct-09 12:16:17

It's only in very extreme cases where contact is not allowed in any shape or form. There are contact centers and even then there is supported and supervised contact so the non resident parent is not alone with child.

If your friend has had contact stopped completely, the decision has been made by social services and/or CAFCASS.

But very unusual to have contact stop altogether.

macdoodle Thu 15-Oct-09 12:42:54

run run run run - dont stop or look back.....then run some more!

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Thu 15-Oct-09 14:18:06

SS support supervised contact for the most nasty of parents if it's in the child's interests - ie they want contact and it doesn't disrupt their placement. If this child is living with the mum then there must be some kind of investigation going on which is why they have suspended contact. Doesn't necessarily mean he has done anything, it could be an allegation from the mum, but they would have to believe there was substance in it.

I would be worried that it was supervised in a contact centre anyway. That almost always means there are considered to be risks with unsupervised contact.

mathanxiety Thu 15-Oct-09 16:41:41

Any time you hear from a man that an ex is a bitch, you should close your eyes and imagine yourself being described in exactly those terms somewhere down the road, because that is what will happen. Hopefully sooner rather than later, IFSWIM. Keep on looking for Mr. Right; this is not him.

99.9 % of the time there's a really, really good reason to suspend all contact with a parent, especially if there was only supervised contact in the first place.

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