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I need to regain my sense of self worth!... Any advice?

(16 Posts)
Nnosa Sun 27-Sep-09 21:22:12

Hi All.. I had a marrige breakdown and now am a single mum looking after my kids. I enjoy motherhood but nothing else. I need to regain my sense of self worth... Need to hear from ones in similar situation.

kalo12 Sun 27-Sep-09 21:29:12

not in a similar situation but wanted to say keep strong it can't be easy but loads of people do it.
rent uplifting dvds, listen to radio 4, paint your toenails and chat to people in shops.
how old are your kids?

Madascheese Mon 28-Sep-09 06:09:50

Hello Nnosa

One of the things that helped me was taking my DS out for walks - as odd as that might sound. Every single day I would get out for an hour for a walk regardless of the weather.

I also lost about a stone over a couple of months and felt much more atrractive as a result

good luck
XMad

Nnosa Mon 28-Sep-09 21:03:22

Hi there, thanks for those nice words as they are most I need in this moment. well I am trying my best but it so hard. My kids are 7yr,5yr and 10m. May things get easier after a while.

allchanging Mon 28-Sep-09 21:15:26

Hi Nnosa, how long have you been on your own?

I'm 2 months in, and it is getting eaiser. Still get really bad days, but its all part of it isn't it?

I would also reccomend the walking. H and I bought a puppy 3 months before he left (not knowing that was where it was going!) and so I've had to take the dog out everyday. I've made loads of new friends, and I've got something to look forward to everyday. Coupled with the "heartbreak diet" I've lost over a stone, and agree with XMad, its really boosted my confidence.

I've also made more of an effort with my friends and family, and opened up to them about how unhappy I was in my marriage which I never did before, I used to hide it all and I feel more relaxed now than I have for years.

Whats your relationship with your H now? If its very acrimonious that will be adding to your unhappiness

Nnosa Mon 28-Sep-09 21:56:44

Hi allchanging, It's been 4 months now.
I'll start walking.. I mean I dont know what to do really as I feel so weak.

Madascheese Tue 29-Sep-09 05:46:22

Oh Sweetheart, It won't feel like that forever honestly.

Another benefit of walking is that you'll be showing off you 10 month old and there is no confidence boost in the world like a passerby admiring your baby is there?

Also now is the the time to get out and kick leaves in the air, notice the colours changing,

Take care, it will get easier, it really will, keep posting

xMad

mumblechum Tue 29-Sep-09 07:30:44

Is it too late to start an evening class if you have a sitter?

It's very easy to get isolated when you're just with kids all day.

Agree about the walking thing, it's surprisingly good at depression busting, especially now that the leaves are starting to turn and there's that lovely golden light in the woods.

allchanging Tue 29-Sep-09 07:39:12

I know exactly how you feel. Are you eating? The first few weeks, I lived on wine (!) and not much else and felt so weak all the time.

Have you seen a doctor? You sound quite depressed if you dont mind me saying.

It really doesn't feel this intense forever. I know your further in than me, but I think I'd accepted my marriage was over for months before we actually split, so thats made it easier.

Was your marriage abusive, is this why your self esteem is so low?

skihorse Tue 29-Sep-09 09:00:05

I'm not in your situation however I am in recovery (always will be ?) from low self-esteem.

The only thing which really seemed to nail it is physical activity. Sports. I used to "hate" sport - but I discovered I do enjoy it and I'm also pretty good at it. I used to think it was absolute tosh that physical well-being would lead to mental well-being but in my case it worked. If I've had a good work out I feel like I can conquer worlds.

saddest Tue 29-Sep-09 09:54:03

Getting outside is such brilliant advice, especially at this time of the year. It is so beautiful.

The robins and blackbirds make great sounding boards.

The gym, it's hard but you do feel better for it. So many have creche facilities too.

I have been referred for cbt to improve my self esteem and confidence. That was via the GP. Have you asked for anything like that?

Local authorities have all kinds of info on stuff that's happening, the library is a great place to find stuff.

I write poems and songs. It's cathartic. Sometime people say nice things about then too. The best thing in the world. A compliment!

skihorse Tue 29-Sep-09 10:08:37

In the words of the Might Sharon from Kath & Kim:

"The sooner you develop an interest in sport and realise all men are bastards - the happier you'll be!" grin

Nnosa Tue 29-Sep-09 21:02:23

Hi guys.. I am taking an unti-depression even before we split and am on a waiting list to be referred for cbt.

The thing is am working 4/7, when I come home I just rush like a machine to catsh-up with my kids stuff. We start by having a meal and end up with home work and bed time story.... around this time (9pm) is when I can breath, cry,...ect. . It is really tiering and exhausted.

Am pretending that am strong and I don't care but the truth the different. am not a very social person and all the relative that I have here is my own children, so please stick with me because you are my only support at the moment.

allchanging Tue 29-Sep-09 21:20:56

Maybe you should go back to GP and see about your dosage? This is a new knock and you may just need to get it checked out.

Your obviously exhausted, but look at what you've posted....working full time, eating with the kids, homework, story - your doing an amazing job. Your stronger than you think, but obviously isolated. I would suggest an evening class or something but it doesn't look like you've got that much time on your hands.

I know you've said your not social, but do you have some RL friends you could lean on, even if its just on the phone?

Dont worry, going to stick with you to the point you may want me to f**k off!!! xx

Nnosa Tue 29-Sep-09 21:40:42

Thanx allchanging for making me smile.

I believe if I have those friends around it wont be that difficult but when the reality is different I need to start with my head, mybe by changing those negative thouths with a positive ones.

Am sure there is a click somewhere or buzz I need to press that's all!!

Madascheese Wed 30-Sep-09 12:42:55

Nnosa

I started counselling in Jan this year. Long story around my ex trying to make me look like a nutter so he could find a way to remove DS from me. anyway I went for my first appointment and the lady made me cry sooooo much when she said, well this IS urgent, the first thing we need to do is get you some support. My counsellor is a star and I love him to bits. He's really helped me get my head round the fact that actually it ISN'T me it IS my ex and there may be nothing I can do to change his behaviour but that I don't need to allow him to grind me down any longer.

I go during work time as it's classed as 'medical' so if you can get a referral from your GP that might help. Also the one I go to is a charity so you make whatever contribution you can afford.

Hope you find a way through soon
xMad

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