Reposted due to nobody answering - yes I am impatient....
My head is turning and I don't know what to do. My FIL almost certainly has asperger's. They live in another country where ASD are not very well understood, and while they know he is 'unusual' I have recognised the signs, as well as googling it and being more convinced.
Well DH has some characteristics too, most obviously inability to judge appropriate conversations (sometimes) ie he will repeat stories/themes ad nauseam, go on and on and on, talk over other people, not listen and talk beyond all normal levels of boredom! There are others, and I always assumed that they were learnt behaviours rather than anything indicating ASD as there are a lot of characteristics that he doesn't have.
But. At the weekend something happened. He was supposed to be watching DS and friend's DS and he let 3yo run off. We were at a festival and next door to children's tent but he had not got up to check where he was. When we got back and asked where he was he just shrugged and said I don't know.
I went mental at him but he just didn't understand why. He went off in a strop for hours and when he came back expected things to be fine, but BF and I still fuming. He still defended himself and basically said that as nothing had happened we were overreacting. He also thought that imagining the worst case scenario is bad luck. He finally apologised to BF but only for upsetting us, he still doesn't get it.
It's so far from normal. I felt like I was going mad trying to explain something that should be completely obvious.
I found this on a site about AS in adults -
Difficulty with social imagination
"We have trouble working out what other people know. We have more difficulty guessing what other people are thinking."
People with Asperger syndrome can be imaginative in the conventional use of the word. For example, many are accomplished writers, artists and musicians. But people with Asperger syndrome can have difficulty with social imagination. This can include:
- imagining alternative outcomes to situations and finding it hard to predict what will happen next
- understanding or interpreting other peoples thoughts, feelings or actions. The subtle messages that are put across by facial expression and body language are often missed
- having a limited range of imaginative activities, which can be pursued rigidly and repetitively eg lining up toys or collecting and organising things related to his or her interest.
Some children with Asperger syndrome may find it difficult to play 'let's pretend' games or prefer subjects rooted in logic and systems, such as mathematics.
What do I do? I don't really care whether he has AS or not, but I need to know how to handle this. I'm scared that he will let something happen to DS since he seems to have no concept of safety. He is totally head in sand about it. Similar when we were away re car seats for DS. When I described what would happen to DS's head if he hit the windscreen he seemed to physically recoil as if he couldn't cope with it.
I don't know how I feel about him. I feel rocked and shaken and do not know where to go from here.