Hi all. Posted a couple of times but I'll give you a quick background.
After many ups and downs over the years (11 to be exact), H left just under 2 months ago, as we had just hit a wall. He has changed so much from when we got married and I just didnt feel like I could put anymore work or effort into a marriage that was making me very unhappy. Its not the first time we have seperated - we always end up together again (if you can be addicted to a person - that is the problem we both have). So a few days after he left, he told me he had met someone else. This is going to sound mad, but I was so happy he had gone at the time it didnt bother me as much as it should have and it didnt suprise me as he's rubbish at being on his own.
He had no job, nowhere to go and this woman said she could stay with her.
Fastforward to now, and my feelings have become confused...we still love each other, are getting on well, still do all the family stuff, he rings and texts all the time. The OW hasn't met any of his friends or family, and there are no plans for her to. I have started divorce proceedings and he wants me to halt them. I have pointed out to him whilst he's still there (now he has a job that takes him away so its only at the weekends and even then only at night) it is totally out of the question. He's said that he looks at OW as a friend and feels like he's made a huge mistake, but does admit he has led her to beleive he feels more ~(i know - nice guy). I have finally been honest with him this weekend and told him in an ideal situation he would be on his own, making changes because he wants to, and ultimatley would win my trust back and we could get our family back the way it used to be when things were good. He didnt realise there would ever be any chance of us reconcilling, and sees that he has made bad choices because of that.
I wanted to tell him how I felt to put it out there and see what he does with it. We are both unsure of whether he is selfless enough to leave a cushy situation when there is no guarentee he could be with me again, but I figured it was better to find out for sure then spend the rest of my life wondering.
As for OW is she nuts and should I care?? This woman has taken on a man she knows is married and knew how long we had been apart before he started up with her (the 1 time I have spoken to her I told her that myself), knows he has 2 young dc with me, got him a contract phone and knows he spends the total of about an hour a day on the phone to me and countless texts go back and forth. She has her own children and has let a total stranger be around them, and until very recently has been completly financially supporting him. And I know what you'll all say - it must have been going on before - it was defo not.
Am I completly nuts for even contemplating allowing him a chance to get his family back? I have been with him for so long and know him inside out, but I know you all think him a complete c word!!!! I am well aware that he would have had to do alot of lying and manipulating to get her to do all this stuff, but still she must be desperate aswell??
I know you all may think I'm as crazy as her, but 2 months in and this isnt getting any easier. I want to be sure I've made the right choice to divorce him - my children are devestated about him leaving and there is a huge chunk missing out of all 3 of us. I could never hurt them again like this so if we did reconcile it would be after a very long time and alot of hard work....or should I just leave it as it is and just try and get on with my life without him??
I've suggested to take this week he's away for to really think about it, in the mean time do reckon you can help me??!!!
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Is she mad/should I care/Am I mad???!! (long)
chickybabe · 21/09/2009 11:53
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