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is he wrong for treating me this way? help plz!

(17 Posts)
hopefulgal Sat 12-Sep-09 08:40:47

i am very unhappy in my relationship at the minute and really neeed some help with working out what to do. firstly im not sure if i am being unreasonable here about how he is treating me. he constantly puts me down, makes snide comments, gets very angry over silly things and i often find myself saying and doind certain things just to please him. am i mad to thing this is wrong? or am i just expecting to much?

for example yesterday when me and 3dc met him from work the first thing he said was i cant belive u have dressed dd in that top it looks shit she looks like a scab its too small. there was nouthin wrong with the top fits her fine. also he says he is sorry but always tries to turn it arpound so i have made him speak to me or the dc that way. he gets very angry over little things for example if i have not done the washing he wanted clean(without asking me) and mutters f*cking lazy bitch, stuff like that. also comes home from work and if the house is a mess will say what have u done all day sat on your ass? he doesnt get up with any of the dc, has not even got up with ds once since he has been born. he wont change a nappy or wash a dish.

i am now at the end of my tether and cant live with this man any longer. i just want to be on my own with dc, not walking on eggshells all the time. but i am pregnant at the mo and scared of leaving. anyone have any ideas or experience of leaving someone like this and any advice would be appreciated. thankyou for taking the time to read this.

FlamingoBingo Sat 12-Sep-09 08:42:54

Yes, he sounds bloody horrible sad

Don't know how to help you leave, though - would be very difficult.

Maybe try relate first, get him to change his behaviour.

FabBakerGirlIsBack Sat 12-Sep-09 08:46:24

Of course he is wrong and so are you for allowing it. No more.

NeedCoffee Sat 12-Sep-09 08:46:24

shock What a pig, how long you been together? Has he always been like this?

warthog Sat 12-Sep-09 08:50:57

i think you know he's not treating you right.

now you need to get the strength to kick him out. you CAN do it. and you'll find once you've done it, that life is suddenly a LOT better and your dc's will be happier too.

no-one likes living in a horrible atmosphere.

you and your dc's deserve better.

skihorse Sat 12-Sep-09 10:06:34

The answer is in the title of your thread.

If you need to ask then it's wrong for you.

Maybe another woman could "tolerate" it, but you yourself are the one who is involved.

Overmydeadbody Sat 12-Sep-09 10:10:14

Ok, you are not happy in this relationship, so why are you dithering?

Obviously you need to leave. There is no point in staying with someone who treats you badly and who you are unhappy with.

It's really not rocket science. If a situation is making you unhappy, you change it.

Overmydeadbody Sat 12-Sep-09 10:11:04

Why are you scared of leaving a situation that makes you unhappy?


Overmydeadbody Sat 12-Sep-09 10:13:17

I'm sorry, I don't mean to sound unsympathetic.

I know it's hard to leave, hard to get up the courage, hard to find the energy.

Please please please find the strength to start the process of ending this relationship. You will be much happier in the long run.

warthog Sat 12-Sep-09 10:31:02

overmydeadbody, until you have been in that situation, it seems unconscionable that someone would stay in it. but it's a long process that leads to that point, involving slow whittling away of one's self and any support network.

it may take the op some time to get the strength and resolve up, and it's up to us to provide support.

GypsyMoth Sat 12-Sep-09 10:38:02

speak to womens aid...they are good.

what is your housing situation? his name or yours etc??

i left with 4 ex was like your dh,but with violence,mental health issues,the lot! it can be done.

does he work? think about money...where does your part come from?

think about the practical stuff. i went to a refuge with my 4 dc. was there a while,but met many others in same situation,it was very supportive. i then got re-housed in a ha house,very nice. yes,you'll be on benefits for a while,but eventually you'll recover.

any family support?

Alambil Sat 12-Sep-09 10:38:21

Women's Aid will give you all the support and advice you need.

Ring them - 0808 2000 247

ninah Sat 12-Sep-09 10:40:46

staying with a man like this is more scary than leaving

hopefulgal Sun 13-Sep-09 09:49:41

thankyou to everyone who has replied. i no that the way he is treating us is wrong deep down, just needed some reassurance as this is my first relationship and have been with him for 5 years and just cant take anymore as he is making me ill. im anxious alot of the time and scared and this is one of the things that has always made it too hard for me to leave.

WARTHOG thanks for the support and ILOVETIFFANY thankyou for posting and i admire your stregnth for leaving. my p has also on occasion been violent to me, however the main reason i need to leave is the way he treats us and the fact that he can not see what he is doing is wrong. the practical issues are that he works part time and we claim wtc and ctc. also have a joint bank account so would have to open up a new one for myself and have ctc transfered into just my account.
also we have joint tenancy on a council flat. i no i could have him removed frm tenancy by taking him to court, but this could take time i havent got. also i could not put dc and myself through that, living with him whilst all this was going on. god knows what he would be like but i no i am not mentally strong enough to stay and find out. so i feel really that my only option is to leave him. does anyone have any experience of this? i am not sure where we will go, have no family who can put us up and dont no wether a refuge would take me as am pregnant 26 wks. dont no if u can have newborns there? and i need somewhere my mum can ctay with my dc whilst i am in hosp.

sorry to ramble on just am trying to make my escape plan now. am going to ring womens aid. does anyone no if the phone line is open on a sunday?? if anyone can help with advice, experience would be greatly appreciated thanks xx

hellish Mon 14-Sep-09 03:33:01

Sorry I don't have any practical advice, but I wanted to bump this for tomorrow morning.
You sound like you know what you need to to and you ARE strong enough to do it.

It will be tough on your own with your children but it will be easier than the way you are living now.

mathanxiety Mon 14-Sep-09 03:37:32

Look up emotional abuse, because this is what it sounds like. Women's Aid will help you especially as you are pg.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Mon 14-Sep-09 08:30:11

Women's aid will help you with housing advice. If he is abusive then you can leave and go to your local council's homeless dept, fill in some forms and they should re house you. Talk to them before you do this though to get the lie of the land in your area. In my LA someone in your position would get placed either in a grotty B&B or a grotty temp flat for up to 8 weeks, then they would have to house you somewhere permanent, you would get no choice over where however they would aim to put you in a different area than your P. That is my area though, different areas have different budgets and can't always fulfill the legislation in the same way.

My friend went through it, 8 weeks in a B&B with a newborn, it was shit but when it was over she was placed in a lovely 2 bed flat and is very happy.

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