So upset, drug addict brother, how can I help him?

[chosenone]

I have posted about my brother before and how he has an off/on relationship with drugs and alcohol. He was addicted to speed at 19 and was injecting it many times a day, was an awful time for whole family, he had councelling, ditched 'friends' and moved on. He then joined the Army and was physically and mentally fit, served in Ireland and Afghan. He then left to be with his girl and after a while started the downward spiral into occasional drug (they split up) use to OTT behaviour. I've known for a couple of months that things must be bad cos he looks awful! Sunken eyes, very skinny, twitch etc.

He text me saying he needed advise as he felt like Kerry Katona so he's been round for tea and quite quicky I spotted track marks on his arm... it all came pouring out; back in with "dregs of society" injecting going on binges. He's worried he's Bi Polar (hence the KK comparison) he wants help, he thinks going back in the forces is the answer! TBH I'd worry about him less in Afghan, my parents have had enough and feel we've had years of this (we have on and off) but I feel he needs me to help, he seemed so sad and vulnerable what the hell can I do he's 30, single no ties with the whole world in front of him, but he looks destined to be an addict.

[MaggieLeo]

I have no experience of this, but I just wanted to say how stressful it must be for YOU. TO have that ongoing 'hope' that he MIGHT get past this, alongside such FEAR that he won't..... that would drive me mad. I'd seek support for yourself.

Maybe there is a support group that could give you some strategies for the rollercoaster you're on.

[FlightHattendant]

What a very difficult position to be in

only he can help himself, you probably know that. Anything you try and control in the whole situation he will take as a cue to abdicate responsibility for himself.

You can still love him and let him do as he wishes. He knows you can't stop the drugs for him.

[chosenone]

Thank you, I haven't felt this sad about him for years but it was a real cry for help today (I think) just been googling support groups for families of addicts he's never done the awful stuff like stealing from us or demanding money, but he has fallen asleep in his meal before, rambled incoherently at family gatherings etc. Mum once found a draw full of used needles covered in blood! The tack I took tonight was it was his life, his choice, his responsibility, I'll help with anything but he's got to stop the excuses and if he has a mental health issue he needs to see the doctor not use it as an excuse.

[Plonketyplonk]

My brother has taken a similar tack. He has singled himself away from the rest of the family, married the maddest woman he could clap eyes on, but maybe unlike your brother, thinks he can do the whole thing without help. If he refuses professional help, I doubt there is very much you can do. If you are involved in any way, you are doing absolutely the right thing by getting support for yourself.

For my part, I have to steer clear of my brother. He takes no notice of anything anyone says, refuses any help, and lies about his situation. It's horrible. I do hope you do better!