Half brother.....what would you have done?

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Ok a bit of background. Last december my half brother got in contact with me. I had grown up knowing about him but he never knew about me. That is another story though. We met up and got on well. My sister then asked me for his number which after i cleared it with him i gave her. We then were meant to meet for my birthday in Feb but first he was ill and then I was ill so it never happened. We eventually all met up in July. My sister, her dh,her dc,myself, dp, and my dc, Him, his dw and their dc.

Both DB and his DW commented how alike I was to HIS Sister (my dads daughter) who he doesn't talk to and hasn't done for ages. Anyway, cutting a long story short he has little to do with me and it feels to me that because I am apparently so like his sister he has shifted the feelings he has towards her onto me IYSWIM? anyway I find out today that my sister invited him, dw and their dc to a bbq yesterday but not me dp and my dc. I have to say it hurt.

I was talking to my friend and I said You know it was me he came to, me he spent the day with, me he questioned, got her number and dropped me. I need to say something".
So after a lot of consideration and thinking I sent him, well actually his wife an email explaining how i felt...I was pleasent and polite. I even explained I had emailed her as I did not want to hurt or upset him.

My sister Seems to be going out of her way to put a barrier between my brother and I. For example when I had ds2 christened, i never told him, but she went out of her way to do so. So that made me look bad. When we were meant to meet for my birthday even though i was unwell and couldn't go she went without me. Making a big thing out of it.
She and her dh arranged the BBQ yesterday without me and mine being involved and to be honest I am more than a bit peeved off.

[morocco]

have you spoken to your sister about it? do you normally get on well or is she possessive like this normally? (tbh, not telling him about your dd's christening was pretty much guaranteed to end with him finding out somehow)

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Morocco, she is very down putting towards me. For example today my eldest nephew kept asking me to get on the trampoline with him she turned round and said "ds1 you do know there is a weight limit" He did make me laugh though when he replied "errr but mummy you have been on here and Aunty Tles is not as heavy as you"

I told him my back was bad and i couldn't get on. Other things she has said are (when i was pg with ds1 and ds2) lets hope the baby isn't born with your nose.

Oh you need to sort yourself out you are getting fat, I am a size 12-14 5ft 8" she is a size 18 5ft 3"!!!!

I only didn't tell him about christening as at the time, she had said no don't invite him he is going away, so i didn't.

[morocco]

so she's not exactly supportive generally then?
tell her it upsets you to see her and your brother building a relationship before you've had a chance to get to know him - that gives her fair warning of how you feel - then get on with getting to know your brother some more but don't tell your sister all your plans or ask her opinion - she sounds a bit tricksy

[TheLadyEvenstar]

Morocco, I have just been talking to DP about this situation and I just said "Do you think Dsis feels that by me getting to know him and his family she is going to lose out on me" ....can't say dp had a lot to say lol.

[retiredlady]

This looks like a complex and emotional situation. One way out is to decide exactly what you want to happen and focus 100% on that rather than on personalities or on things that were said or done in the past