I've been married 20 years and have two children,9 and 13. A year into our marriage my husband had a brief affair on a work trip abroad. I was devestated, angry but went to relate and he was so desperate to make things work that I forgave him. We had children and I think he may have had a fling sometime in the next 10 years but never had any real evidence, so I battled on. However two years ago, I discovered he was having an affair with a work colleague. I took myself off for a week to try and sort my head out but decided to stay in the marriage.Since that 'second' occasion, he has worked so hard to improve our relationship and we have been getting on well. I have to say here that despite the affairs he has always been very loving and complimentary to me(I know that sounds like a contradiction)whereas I have always been quite undemonstrative and critical eg not good at showing my affection and had a pretty low sex drive compared to his. Im not making excuses for him just trying to explain our relationship. To outsiders we look like the perfect couple/family. My close friends who know about the affairs were shocked that I stayed with him, because I am a strong, intelligent, quite tough cookie and I actually surprise myself that that was the course of action I took. ANYWAY, a few months after his last affair, when I was feeling more settled, I met a man at a club.I wasnt looking at all but we just started talking and after a year of flirty texts/facebook chats, we started a sexual relationship. This ended very recently and I am now trying to decide what is going on in my head. I am depressed, largely because my relationship with other man has ended, and with it the attention. My husband cant understand why I am so unhappy. Ironically, we have been getting on really well during my affair. I think the affair probably stopped me dwelling too much on my husbands behaviour and now Im very confused. I think I love my husband but have the usual boredom and loss of attraction issues that often come with a long term relationship. I am also at 46, very aware of my age(my affair was 35 and very desirable). My husband, same age, talks about us retiring happily, has a high powered job and likes to stay in while I crave excitement and want to go out to music festivals/gigs etc. I forgot to say that I packed in a second degree to support my husbands career and be there for the kids shortly before he started his second affair and havent worked since, and have become quite lonely with my stay at home lifestyle.Probably why I crave excitement. Perhaps my affair was part of my need for stimulation? So many issues here even before I complicated things even further by having an affair. I am returning to study in september to try and give my personal life more direction but am worried that my thoughts are on my ex and indeed on other men. Any thoughts would be appreciated.
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Relationships
AbricotsSecs ·
20/08/2009 22:09
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