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I need to learn to express my feelings

(6 Posts)
Afraid2love Fri 14-Aug-09 02:04:50

Ok, here is the background, When I was a teenager there was this guy I really, really liked and ended up spending a night with him, that was really special to me but after that night I only saw him a handful of times, he got very much mixed up in with some unsavoury characters and disappeared.

Next I hear about him was years later and I happened to start working with him mum, I gave her mum number to give to him and hoped to hear from him but never did

Anyway, quire recently he found me on facebook and he told me that he had always loved me and that the only reason we only spent the night together was because it was all he thought I wanted, when I would have loved to have more.
In the time between this I met my Ds's Dad and ended up in a very damaging and violent relationship, in it he would tell me that he didn't love me, that no one would ever love me, that I was a crap mum, he raped me and used me as his punching bag, mentally and physically.

Now he has been telling me he loves me and that he has always liked me and I really want to say it back but I dont know why but i am scared to, i am scared that it will just be a cruel joke or that once he knows that i have always loved him too he will back off, I don't know
I wish I could tell him how I feel without feeling silly or being worried about getting hurt.

Why do I feel like this? why can't I just tell him? Is this common for victims of DV?

I am so confused

purpleduck Fri 14-Aug-09 02:17:53

Can you get some counselling?
And you can go at your pace - why do you have to rush to say you love him?

Afraid2love Fri 14-Aug-09 02:31:09

I am having counselling, it seems like a lifetime until my next session.

I want to tell him I love him but it just wont come out.

cheekysealion Fri 14-Aug-09 07:37:17

i would be honest with him and tell him that you need to take things slowly..

you have to believe what he is saying to you and you have to believe he is genuine... i do know what you mean as i have been through the emotional and physical abuse with dd1 dad..

but please try to enjoy time with this man he sounds lovely... be honest with him and if he is genuine then he will work with you to overcome this if he isnt then you dont need him in your life

Afraid2love Fri 14-Aug-09 10:54:12

I keep taking things he says the wrong way, like when I talk to him online with no tone to the voice I keep thinking he is angry, XP would have been and even though he tells me he could never be angry with me I still take thhings he says the wrong way

I hate XP, I feel as though he has damaged me and I hate that I can't be the openly loving person I used to be

cheekysealion Fri 14-Aug-09 20:25:38

If i was you i would go and have some counselling on your own..

Unfortunately my ex left my face permanently damaged so i really find it very hard to be with someone new..

it is all about building your self esteem.. and dont let your ex ruin another moment of your life he has done to much damage allready dont let him steal another moment... as your life is so precious and we will be a long time dead.. (thats what i tell myself)

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