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I want to leave my dh but am financially dependant on him and need advice

(7 Posts)
wherefromhere Tue 11-Aug-09 14:11:35

We have been married for 9 years and together for 12. We have 2 dcs aged 7 and almost 2.

I won't go into the reasons i want to split as it will take all day sad
Dh works overseas and can easily disappear, something i feel sure he will do should i end the marriage.
I left a well paid job 2 years ago when dd was born. I am due to start a new job in Sept which is temporary to begin with for the school year.
Here goes, we have a home in both our names with a huge mortgage costing us £900 a month. Obviously there are also the running costs etc.
Years ago Dh got himself behind with the tax man and we had to take a loan out together for £25,000 to pay this back. I also stupidly took a credit card out in my name only to pay the mortgage each month when dh was out of work for 8 months. I owe £9,000 on this.
Dh earns good money and we have been steadily getting slightly ahead each month.
However life has become unbearable with him both for me and the children and i am now left with no option but to end the marriage.
I know him very well and i feel sure that once i do this he will not discuss it and will stay away at work and not send me any money.
My job will nowhere near pay enough to cover all my outgoings.
I worried that when he goes i won't be able to pay anything plus won't be able to sell the house as it's in both our names.
Any advice would be appreciated..

wherefromhere Tue 11-Aug-09 14:13:17

PS...I'm also posting this in legal too..

BonsoirAnna Tue 11-Aug-09 14:13:25

Go and see a solicitor.

mrsdisorganised Tue 11-Aug-09 14:16:11

sad that you have to make all these hard decisions, haven't been through it to the extent that you are but found citizens advice really helpful when my dh and I split up for 6-8 months, I too was completely dependent on his income and we had a loan. Good luck.

wherefromhere Tue 11-Aug-09 14:19:26

Thank u.. Just reading a reply makes me cry.
I have been tempted to leave on many occasions over the years but have stuck at it for ds. Knowing dh would walk away from the children made me stay.
However, dh's behaviour is now at a point where i actually think it's unhealthy for dcs to see.
I need to leave him now before ds gets older and starts to think this is normal behaviour.

OrangeFish Tue 11-Aug-09 14:39:46

Leave if you need to leave but leave when it's the best time for you and your children.

This is what I did:

-Start preparing for it.

-Start working, get the children and yourself into the swing of it. Once they are used to it, and your husband to contribute to the expenses of childcare. Don't add stress over stress (like new job + divorce at the same time, get used to one situation first before introducing another stressor).

-Save as much money as possible and start paying that debt back. (i'm not asking you to wait until you have paid it, but, in getting part of it paid you have less to worry about, and you learn to cope with less money in the process)

-If things are too much, don't forget that he will soon be away, and you will have a bit of rest from him.

- Do you have equity in your home? if you do, just think that even if things get really bad you will still have have half of that money to start your new life.

- get a good book on Divorce, join for more information on the process and then, when you know the basic information, book the usual free half an hour first appointment with a solicitor. It would not be wasted in information you could have read from a book. (remeber solicitor fees are... well...verrrrry expensive, so use the time well)

- Don't forget that whatever happens you are not on your own: if you work more than 16 hours a week you get Tax Credits, if your salary is low, you will get extra benefits which may include from a little extra money every week to get your mortgage/rent paid for some time. (

Good luck!

wherefromhere Tue 11-Aug-09 14:44:42

orange Thank you for your wonderful advice.

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