DP had total meltdown in the cinema

[CassieAndra]

Sorry about the name-change, I post alot on another personal board and didn't want to be recognised.

Yesterday me and DP took the kids to see Harry Potter at cinema. Behind us, another family sat with a couple of little kids. A boy aged about 9 (who sat directly behind DP) and a girl of about 7.

Anyway, as soon as the adverts started, the boy started kicking the back of DP's chair. I saw him getting pissed off, turned around to try and get the attention of the parents but wanted to try and get through without a confrontation.

When the film actually started, DP turned around and said to the boy "can you stop kicking my chair please?"
We heard the kids giggling behind us, didn't get to see reaction of their parents.

10 minutes in, DP turned around again and said to the father "can you tell your son to stop kicking my chair?"
The father snapped "pack it in" to his son, the mother said "he can't help it, there isn't much space". Again, the kids could be heard giggling.

About 10 minutes later, the kid kicked DP's chair HARD and DP spun around, grabbed the kid's box of popcorn and threw it across the ailse and shouted "STOP DOING THAT YOU IDIOTIC LITTLE SHIT"

Everyone in the cinema turned around, the kids father started having a go at DP, the mother started having a go at me and the lad sat thee laughing at the whole scene. DP then grabbed the kid's cola and poured it all over him.

To cut the rest short, the father went for DP, DP punched him, police were called, we were obviously thrown out and DP was arrested for asault and asaulting a minor. He spent last night at the station and there is talk of pysciatric assessment.

It was SO out of character for him I'm terrified there is something wrong with him. If there is nothing wrong with him, what snapped to make him behave like that? And if he is charged with asaulting a minor, he will lose his job.

[Megglevache]

OMG

You poor thing. I don't know what to say to you, you must be so shocked.

[FranSanDisco]

Oh dear! Might be a silly question but could you not have moved? There is obviously something wrong with your DH for him to over-react like this. Does he usually have a short fuse?

[MamaG]

Could you not just have changed seats? I think that was horrible behaviour all round, TBH

Not massively helpful I know, but your DP did react very strongly and we are all responsible for our own actions.

Sorry you're so anxious, but he has to take the consequences

[southeastastra]

lordy is this for real?!!!

[CassieAndra]

I realise now we should have moved but I honestly thought they'd stop once the film started. When they didn't the thought of uprooting all 5 of us whilst they were engrossed in a movie they've been looking forward to for a year wasn't very appealing. I had no idea he would end up doing that, he doesn't normally have a short fuse.

[LyraSilvertongue]

I can understand how annoyed he must have been by the seat kicking but to throw the boy's popcorn, swear at him and pour a drink over him is way OTT.
You must have been so embarrassed.
Has he been under a lot of strain lately? Could this be the straw that broke the camel's back?

[LyraSilvertongue]

That kid sounds like a little brat, sitting there gigling like that, but your DP is the adult and he should have behaved accordingly. Of course, you already know this.

[junglist1]

Maybe something else was stressing him and that pushed him over the edge? Don't know what right the other father had having a go though,he knew what his boy was doing, and allowed his kids to laugh at adults.
Sorry your children had to see it really, but TBH people don't have endless reserves of patience.

[Monkeyandbooba]

If this is out of character then a psychiatric assessment would be a priority for me if it were my DH.

It was a HUGE over-reaction (as I am sure you are aware ) and if I were the parents I would have been very upset too

[ohbabygivemeonemorechance]

In a way,awful though it is,at least this has come to light without anyone getting seriously hurt[presuming the boy's dad is ok].

Something is wrong to behave like that and it needs to be looked into.

Your own dcs must have been mortified/terrified.

Has he ever been like this at home~sounds as if you were worried at the start because you tried to get the attention of the other boys parents.

As if you knew he could kick off.

[LyraSilvertongue]

Junglist, my DP would probably have done the same as the other father if someone had behaved like that towards one of our sons.
But then they wouldn't have got away with the seat kicking and giggling in the first place.

[FranSanDisco]

The story is astonishing though. I gasped when you said he poured a drink over the boy. You admit there were free seats to move to but decided not to and as a result didn't get to see the film. Extraordinary.

[stickylittlefingers]

Is he worried about losing his job anyway? It does sound like a stressed person snapping, especially as you said it was out of character. From what you've said, your DP didn't actually touch the little boy, so hopefully he might be able to get off with a caution.

Hope it ends up OK - I'm sure your DP has had a dreadful shock. FWIW, although I absolutely don't condone what he's done, I do absolutely hate it when people allow their dc to annoy/bully others. I expect the police wouldn't feel any differently either, and if they think this was a momentary lapse and he won't lose his self control so utterly again, hopefully that'll be an end to it.

[GirlsAreLoud]

When this happened to us in the cinema my Mum went and got an usher to deal with them after they ignored our requests.

That stopped it.

Your DP sounds a bit frightening tbh.

[yappybluedog]

pouring the drink over his head might have been a bit much....

[RoseOfTheOrient]

I gasped so loudly at the cola being poured over the boy, that my DCs both looked up and asked what was wrong!
OTT - why on earth did you not move seats?

[junglist1]

The other father had better get used to his son being switched on, as he gets older it'll get worse. For the boy to sit their laughing afterwards shows he has a serious problem. Do what you like but when someone loses it I'll step in for you. Shit parenting.

[Katisha]

Well I don't think OP was expecting her DH to do that. She probably expected the family behind to start behaving like considerate people.The decision to move seats in easy in hindsight.

I am staggered by how badly people behave in public and how they feel they have the right to spoil the enjoyment of other people. The family behind were oafs.

I'm sure you must be replaying this over and over in your mind and wishing you had moved or said something earlier etc etc. But as others have said, is youe DH often on a short fuse, irritable and so on?

I really hope sense prevails here and that it won't ultimately come to losing jobs and so forth. WHat happens today?

[GirlsAreLoud]

The family behind were indeed behaving like oafs but the OP's DH behaved far, far worse IMO.

[LibrasBiscuitsOfFortune]

I am going to avoid all the judgeness because you say this is so out of character, if that is true then your DP needs to see someone (GP, psychiatrist etc) he is obviously having problems somewhere in his life that he needs help with. All you can do for him at the moment is support him as much as possible.

[dietstartstomorrow]

OMG

Chair kicking is annoying but if I would be furious if anyone did that to my DC.

[shootfromthehip]

Without dwelling on the whole cinema bit too much- as you obviously realise that you DH was being an arse and over-reacting- you should think about getting him some help. That is not normal behaviour and I think this is an oppertunity to delve deeper into you relationship and understand what is truly going on in his head. This man is obviously not right and you need to use this horrible situation for growth and exploration.

Do I sound like a tree-hugger as I don't mean to! You kwim though?

[LtEveDallas]

God, I once spent the whole of an 8 hr flt being kicked by the devil child behind me - and without any nicotine - it could have got very messy.....

but it didnt

I can really see how annoying it must have been, I sympathise, but all your Dh did was make a bad situation worse.

It does sound like he needs help, or at the very least to talk to someone that is not involved. Can he see that he has done wrong, or does he feel his actions were justified?

I would support him (as long as this is a one off episode), but let him know you dont agree with what he did. Some form of anger mangement is necessary I think.

I also agree with jungalist tho', really shite parenting by the family behind - sadly I doubt the boy will ever learn his lesson, and certainly not if the OPs DH ends up heavily punished by this.

OP, vey for you.

[saintmaybe]

How's your dh doing now, Cassie? Have you been able to talk with him?