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4 weeks since he left

(4 Posts)
cannydoit Tue 21-Jul-09 17:36:10

my OH moved out 4 weks ago after a series od rows over a long time. he would often go out in the evening and not come home til the next day and do stupid stuff when drunk. it all came to a head and i wanted him to leave and he promised that he would change bla bla bla. he said if he ever did it again he would go no questions asked. things got better he got a job he really enjoys we where getting on better. then it started again going out on nights he had work. then one night he didnt come back and his worked phoned me looking for him i have to confess i went mental. i cried down the phone to his father who i phoned to see if he was there, he has no phone i tore up the house looking for his friends phone number. he then rolls home at 3 in the afternoon saying" i bet u dont even care what happened" and i didnt. he left that day with assurances that we would take some space get some councilling and he would stop drinking. none of these things have happened.i now feel lie he is treating me ike a second rate single parent. he has the kids at the weekend in my house so i tend to try not to be here he gave me money to go away at the weekend(sweet i though) now he is telling me he wont give me my weekly money because he gave it to me early. i didnt relise that is what it was. he also so said to me that if i ever wanted a babysitter just ask, i did and he said he thought that would be contry to our arrangement. so i get to stay at home with the kids every week while he goes out with his friends or just to the pub by himself. i thought he would want to try and make this work but he seems happy with our situation.i dont know what to do. feel so lost.
sorry its so long.

cannydoit Tue 21-Jul-09 18:25:52

any advice greatly appreciated

HolyGuacamole Tue 21-Jul-09 22:55:13

Sorry, your post is a little bit confusing towards the end.

So he doesn't live with you, but he comes and stays at the weekend to be with the children? And whilst he is there you have to get out of the house?

He is now saying that money he gave you 'to go away', was maintenance that he had given you early?

cherryblossoms Tue 21-Jul-09 23:11:30

Hope someone else comes along soon. There are some really well-informed people here.

First of all - it sounds awful. Distressing, confusing and just completely exhausting.

I don't know, from your post, what your take on your current situation is.

I think you see it as a temporary situation, to clear your head(s) until you start with counselling. And then ... will you decide whether to separate or stay together depending on the outcome of that? What do you want from the counselling? For him to stop drinking?

I suspect that one reason he is behaving like this is because the situation is not clear. That's not surprising. It sounds like you acted quickly, because things came to a head for you. But the situation is blurry.

(The other reason, I think, he;s acting like this is just ongoing selfish immaturity and drinking.)

I think your first step is to decide what you want. how long do you want him to move out for? When do you want counselling to start? How much of a financial contribution do you want him to make? And when? How much contact with the kids do you want him to have?

Maybe you need to approach it as a separation and begin with a visit to the CAB?

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