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access after four years

(5 Posts)
hazygirl Tue 21-Jul-09 06:30:24

just wondered if anyone any advice my dds ex has got in touch after four years to see dds .we last saw him four years ago ,taken away by police after going for my dd with a knife, we often suspected violence ,but dd denied it and we always had to back off.
my dd has moved on met a lovely lad and had a ds ,who died of cot death ,she now has another dd, they were all happy.
dd has meeting with cascas ,and the girls are meeting them too, but what worries us is he has ds to new partner, openly flaunts it,even said on fb ,time you got over your dead kid,this child is simalar age to what my grandson would be and i think its so unfair to introduce as their brother and surely will confuse girls.
to be honest id rather he never saw girls again ,but know courts will grant access ,has anyone any advice on whats best,my dd has coped so bloody well ,but how much more does the poor girl have to take

mumblechum Tue 21-Jul-09 07:44:17

How old are the children from the original relationship?

The child/ren's ages will be relevant in the court's decision about how much contact they should have with their dad, whether it should be supervised etc.

After such a long gap, contact, if ordered, will have to be gradually introduced and will, I think, have to be supervised at a contact centre. In my area (Bucks/Berks), the contact centre is only open for 2 hours, two Saturdays per month. After 6 months or so if the children are responding well to supervised contact, the dad is usually allowed to see the children outside the contact centre for a few hours once a fortnight and if all goes well, then for longer periods, eventually leading up to staying contact.

Your ex son in law has an uphill battle here. He has to convince Cafcass and the district judge that:

1. He's not a threat to your granddaughters

2. That he has a good reason for not being in touch with them for 4 years

3. That he genuinely intends to rebuild his relationship with his daughters and is not likely to drop them again

4. That he can communicate like a civilised grownup with your daughter, which the fb message contradicts.

Although it is usual for courts to order contact, this sounds to me like one of those very rare cases where a district judge may be reluctant to order any more than indirect contact (letters, cards etc) initially with the intention that your ex son in law has to prove himself worthy of seeing the girls again. If he doesn't, ie if he isn't reliable about calling or writing to them or causes more mischief with your daughter, then there is a small possibility that the court will order no contact.

Hopefully your daughter already has a good family lawyer on board but if not she should find one on

hazygirl Tue 21-Jul-09 08:26:33

thanks ,the girls and four and six,the older one is now a confident and outgoing,the younger one is very quiet.
i just dont want them hurt again,eldest was very close to her db, and was heartbreaking watching her and listen to her after db died,she cant remember her dad, she knows dp isnt her dad,but is close to him.

hazygirl Tue 21-Jul-09 14:50:03

thanks ,

hazygirl Tue 21-Jul-09 21:43:21

does it make a diffference that dd has never prosecuted

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