I am fuming! What can I do about DP's spending?

[Flossam]

I have just found out that DP has brought himself a new fancy playstation thing on ebay for a grand total of £180. This follows a recent problem where he ordered another one of these and was conned. He has not recieved the money back yet if at all.

He is awful with his money and is in about 15,000 worth of debt (this is someone who did not attend uni) and I believe he is making it worse all the time. We have recently moved house, I paid all the excess, he paid for the overlap in rent - but - put the rent for the month (750) on his credit card. He has not paid this off.

He has been learning to drive, failed his test this week and it only hit me then that he must have been paying a bomb for all his lessons, he has been having lots. So he won't be able to afford to pay his credit card off - definately not after this latest purchase.

I've been on maternity leave since October, and need to go back to work now really. I have not had a penny off him in all this time and have continued to pay the same share of the bills as I would have done was I working full time. The house move was not wanted by us and not budgeted for. I have had to increase my loan, and am stuggling now. And then I find he is buying himself things like this. Not only that, he has set up a whole new email for this transaction to take place - I saw it over his shoulder earlier.

He is going to get himself in more debt for a car. All his and my family agree that he does not need a car. We live in London, with good transport, and he gets free travel. Not only is he insistant that he get a car, he wants to get a new one. He has no savings, so the only way to do this is to get in more debt. He will not listen to my reasoning.

He has offered to get a joint bank account but frankly the thought scares me. He needs to have someone be in charge of his money - IMO. He just can't help himself. He thinks he deserves 'treats', Ok, so perhaps every so often, to an etent - but 180 pounds worth? If we had it all in one place, how could I definately know that he would not spend the whole lot? I know I can't but I really feel I would like to somehow take control of the situation. We will never be able to afford a house if this continues. He has a son now, he has to stop spending all his money on himself -dosen't he?

[Dior]

Message withdrawn

[moondog]

Just can't believe this.....how dreadful for you. You and your son deserve better. Does he work?

[Flossam]

Ok, have just spoken to him, and he has told me he has got the money back from the conning one. I don't know if I believe him though. I haven't seen any email, and he hadn't bothered to tell me up untill now. I was really annoyed he brought it in the first place, and there are so many things we still need for the flat, and in fact still owes me money from about 2 months ago.

[moondog]

You live together, right? How can you be owing money to each other???

[Flossam]

Because I brought some pictures of DS and a highchair, he said he would give me half. I have no income ATM. We still have our money seperate, and work out the bills equallyish, although nothing has changed since I finished. His opinion is that if I can't afford to pay I can't afford to be off work and should go back I don't see why I (or DS for that matter) should miss out because of all the debt he got himself into before I met him.

[moondog]

Don't you think that this lack of trust and inability to pull together in the same direction is a very serious matter??? Doesn't he???

[maltesers]

whatever you do dont have a joint bank account, cos what is his debt will be yours too. He sounds like he is very irresposible with money. Dont bail him out in any way. Keep everything separate financially till he is out of debt. My dp was in serious debt and gambled. thank god we dont have a joint account. Make him pay for as much as you can and surely you should not be paying half the bills if you are not working?

[noddyholder]

I was with someone like this for yrs before dp We eventually got a joint account against my better judgement and we then broke up2 yrs later and he overdrew the account and I ended up paying back 4000 in total with interest etc because the bank couldn't trace him!

[maltesers]

god what a b`td. men like that. huh.