to stay or to go

[akash]

unsure about relationship with dh we have dd whos 10 month and i have dd who is 11 while my dh is great if not a little over protective with baby. he is horrid to my 1st child who isnt his. shes not an easy child but he doesnt even talk to her now and if he does its to moan or shout at her for doing something he doesnt agree with , our relationship has become very fragile not just because of this, but he pays me no attention especially when it comes to being intimate we very rarely talk because when we do he is very opinionated what ever i say doesnt matter so ive given up talking about anything when he does speak to me its to complain about the way ive done or not done something .so torn between staying or going cant stand the atmosphere when he and my daughter together im stuck in the middle of the 2 . if i leave i know shell be a lot happier but what about my youngest daughter how will she cope When we got married i never dreamt id be thinking of leaving 2 years later but dont think we can live with this atmosphere much longer. when ive tried to talk to him he just blames everything on my eldest and says if she wasnt here everything would be fine (shes not going anywhere) but i know they wouldn`t cos of his complete disinterest in me. need an outside opinion please

[Hassled]

Go. No decent person would try to make a mother choose between him and her child - and that's effectively what he's trying to do. It's not fair on you or your DD1, and it really doesn't sound like you're happy with him apart from the DD situation. It's no wonder she's not an easy child if she has a stepfather who won't even talk to her.

[unavailable]

My son has grown up with a "step-father" since the age of 4. Theirs hasnt always been the easiest of relationships (especially during the teenage years) but never once has my dp suggested "everything would be fine if it wasnt for him" as your dh has done.

Fundamentally, I know that although they clash sometimes, they do love each other. If I felt my dp resented my son, I know our relationship could not have lasted.

If your husband cant/wont change his attitude to your daughter, I dont think your relationship is worth saving.

[imbored]

my ex was like this but worse and hes gone. i say go hes not going to get any better. best of luck with what you decide

[mrsboogie]

jesus christ - you cannot let him treat your daughter like this. Leave him or else you are sacrificing you elder daughter's future and happiness for the sake of a relationship that is only going to end at some point anyway.

Why did you marry him and have a child with him if he didn't treat your daughter well?

[akash]

in answer to that ques mrsboogie there relationship wasnt that bad when we got married its just got worse since we`ve been married

[Lemonylemon]

Of course your relationship got worse when you got married - he's got you where he wants you..... undermined.

My very blunt advice would be to leave him - your youngest daughter will cope - she's not even 1 yo yet. You have the mental health of your eldest daughter to think about.

Your daughter did not choose to be put in this situation - it must be dreadful for her. Your OH on the other hand, is supposed to be an adult and be mature - which he obviously is not.

[LyraSilvertongue]

It doesn't sound like there's much worth saving.
You have to think of your daughter and get her away from this man.
Do you have somewhere you can go? Or would he leave if you told him it was over? He's the problem so why should you and your children have to lose your home?

[akash]

lyrasilvertongue its my house so he would go i have brought up the subject that if hes not happy to go (just to test the water ) his response was if i go dd2 goes with him which i obviously won`t let happen but is playing on my mind

[missingtheaction]

So it's not 'I love you and I want to stay with you' but 'if you kick me out I will ruin your life'? Sounds like it's all over for both of you.

He can't 'take' dd - she is your daughter too. you will come to a sensible arrangement about where she lives and how much time she spends with each of you.

Might be worth a quick trip to CAB or a half hour with a lawyer to get an idea of how the divorce might play out before you kick him out.