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rejected by the love of my life! Help!

6 replies

notsohotchic · 02/07/2009 00:42

Oh dear, this is going to sound pathetic... I am totally in love with my bf of 10 months. (he has met and gets on with my children from xp, which is great, but obviously I am serious about this relationship and we both see it as long term) I decided to try cerazette after a couple of months, a progesterone only pill. This didn't suit me as I was bleeding for up to 4 weeks at a time with none of the expected improvement and less and less sex-drive inbetween! Hell! So I gave up after 4 awful months. Since then I have found that he now has no sex-drive and although we are very affectionate and cuddle and kiss, he doesn't seem to want to be sexual any more beyond the odd snog. How do you manage this? I keep feeling devastatingly rejected (he always says he is too tired or else has some minor discomfort, backache etc...)and upset and I know I'm wrong to but I keep having strops about it and asking him whats wrong, if he doesn't find me attractive anymore etc.. He is 39 and I am 34. He said today that the more I react badly the less sexy he feels! HELP!!
I've done the sexless marriage and I don't want to go there again!! I am soo frustrated!

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nooka · 02/07/2009 01:02

I think you need to get him to talk about why his sex drive has dropped. Try finding some time when sex really can't be on the agenda so there is no pressure.

There is some debate as to whether totally dropping the pressure or being more sexy is the best approach to rebuilding sex lives, and I am in two minds (our sex life has had big swings and roundabouts over the years, and is currently in a fairly dry state).

dh finally admitted that he doesn't find himself attractive or me because we are both really out of shape at the moment. It was a bit upsetting to hear that, but good to know it was something so shallow IYSWIM.

I went along the no pressure route and find after a while that it was OK. Now his sex drive has improved a bit (still only about once a month or so) I just enjoy it when it comes (lol). However we have been together for almost 20 years, so a different kettle of fish really.

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notsohotchic · 02/07/2009 01:07

Hmm, yes, 20 years is a bit different (although obviously it matters!!) I suppose I am wondering if this is actually going to improve at all! The pill made me put on a stone in weight, so I am worried that is turning him off!

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nooka · 02/07/2009 01:21

Well that is possible, and if it is the problem you need to know, and then you can decide whether that makes him a shallow twonk, or is something you want to do something about. Maybe doing some sport together or other activity would help - dh's sex drive was much higher when he was working out.

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notsohotchic · 02/07/2009 01:34

Lol. Shallow twonk, yes its sadly possible as he always said a flat tum was the most attractive part of a woman to him. I am probably a healthy average shape now. Arggrrr at the thought of him being like that! HE has more flab himself! Tsk! We do go to the gym together just not enough. I am eating less again now I'm not happy though. Oh. Woe is me (imagines this becoming an endless cycle...) BUT it could be something completely different. Yes. I will have to find out.

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ginnny · 02/07/2009 11:22

Not sure what to advise, except maybe take the pressure off for a few weeks and see if he regains his interest and if that doesn't work you'll have to have another talk .
I was on Cerazette too and it is a horrible horrible pill so I do sympathise. I had awful mood swings, put on weight and lost all interest in sex. Since I've come off it and had a coil put in I'm nicer to be around (most of the time) have lost half a stone and rediscovered sex
I wish they would warn people of the side affects when they prescribe this at the clinic.

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notsohotchic · 02/07/2009 13:43

Another talk is what I tried to instigate last night when he wasn't interested yet again. (BTW, he doesn't live with me - I didn't strop from the room and get straight on here whinging about him, he went home.! We haven't done the full on deed for about 2 months and very little else! Agree that cerazette is Horrible and would NEVER recommend it to anyone!