It has been hell of a couple of years, which I have posted about on here under various names, none of which are my usual posting name.
I have reached the end with my husband, and cannot see a way forward. He is a recovering alcoholic, who has been sober now for over 2 years.
I found out about his alcoholism, which was well hidden, when our eldest child was born. He is now 2.5 years. As a result of his alcoholism I returned to work early from maternity leave, partly because I needed to get away from it all and also because of the financial security.
Since becoming sober, DH has set up a business which he runs from home. He also works full-time. I am currently on maternity leave with DS2, who is 8 weeks.
DH's business has been doing well, but he has no financial intelligence at all. We have argued frequently about his inability to budget sensibly. There have been a series of arguments in which I have discovered he has lied to me about money.
He has recently developed a friendship with a man in the same trade and DH has been doing some work for him. I have been suspicious about where the money has come from and without being too specific, DH has stolen items from his employer to pass onto this other chap. He has now been suspended.
I am furious. He has risked everything for a paltry sum. I did not ever suspect that he would anything illegal, and I now question everything I know about him.
I am terrified that he will be dismissed from work, but suspect it is likely. I am now on SMP only and his income from the business is just enough to cover our bills, but not food or petrol.
He is not the man I thought he was. He has lied, stolen and risked our security. Although he has never stolen before, he has developed a habit of lying over things. I cannot trust him.
He tells me that he loves me and does not want to lose me. I feel that I cannot stay with him. I no longer respect him or trust him. He is a good father in the sense that he is caring and loving, but he is not the sort of role model that I want for my boys.
I do not know what to do now. There is a full-time job at work that would mean a promotion for me. My contract is for part-time hours and I hate the thought of returning full-time. I have already sounded out the line manager about the prospect of flexible working and she is not amenable to the idea. At best she'll consider 4 days a week. I desperately do not want to return to work so early. My son is only 8 weeks old and I am heartbroken at the thought of going back.
I feel sick at the thought of relying on him for money. His business, like others, is not secure and I cannot live hand to mouth.
God, he has been an idiot and I am rambling. What on earth do I do?
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Reached last straw with DH, advice needed
dontknowwherewego · 29/06/2009 19:38
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