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I've just contacted my sister who hasn't spoken to me for years

(13 Posts)
fruitstick Mon 29-Jun-09 08:33:18

Long story. Anyway, I saw her for the first time on Saturday at an event but didn't have any contact with her.

It has always made me sad that she doesn't want any contact with me (or my other siblings) after a falling out over my mum's estate.

If I'm honest she's a bit toxic but I do remember a time when she wasn't.

Anyway, I now have 2 children that she's never met so I texted her to say that i would like to see her.

Not expecting a response and will probably get a nasty one.

Will someone hold my hand please.

Buda Mon 29-Jun-09 08:39:41

Well done you. It may or may not work out but at least you can say you tried. I hope it does work out. I have 3 sisters and although we are all very different and don't always agree with each other we don't fight. And now that we are all parents we are so much closer as we all love our nieces and nephews.

fruitstick Mon 29-Jun-09 08:43:27

Thanks Buda. My husband is going to be really cross if he finds out as she upset me so much at the time and said such awful things.

He doesn't understands why I still let it bother me and thinks contacting her is just asking to be upset again.

fruitstick Mon 29-Jun-09 10:04:10

well it's been an hour and a half and still no reply so she probably won't

Rubyrubyrubyinthegame Mon 29-Jun-09 10:06:52

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bumpybecky Mon 29-Jun-09 10:24:19

fruitstick I'll hold your hand

I completely understand why you bothered, and also suspect you're feeling a bit like me, now wondering if it was the right thing to do.

I've spoken to my sister once in the last alsmot 9 years, that call was when our Dad was very ill approx 18 months ago. In our case there was no big falling out, she just gradually then completely stopped contact. I don't have contact details for her and my Mum won't give them to me. On Friday I found her on facebook and emailed. I said I was sorry for whatever it was I did and asked of she can tell me so we can try and sort it out. I got one short angry sounding reply telling me she didn't think I wanted to hear it (I do, I really want to sort this) then nothing to my email.

She last saw my children when dd1 was 2, dd2 3 months, she'd never seen dd3 or ds and I've never see her dd (not even a photo).

So I'm left feeling a little like you feel I think. Upset, bit bewildered, kicking myself for letting her get to me (again!), but most of all sad

Sorry to have hijacked, but I'll be back for more handholding as and when

ConnieComplaint Mon 29-Jun-09 14:25:47

Fruitstick, are you sure her mobile number is still the same as it used to be?

FabBakerGirlIsBack Mon 29-Jun-09 14:53:55

I will hold your hand too.

I had brief contact with my brother and sister about 30 years ago and then again 4 years ago when she had a baby but after a letter was sent to my father by my DH, the whole family - except my uncle - don't want to know. My nana died 4 years ago and my father and I had talked a few times around then but no more now.

I hate how I feel like the black sheep of the family and/or a nuisance when I never asked to be born.

Have never even seen a photo of my nephew. sad

fruitstick Mon 29-Jun-09 20:01:54

I'm pretty sure her mobile number wouldn't have changed. The last contact I had with her was last year when she texted me by mistake (which is why I have her number).

I replied saying she must have the wrong number (I didn't recognise it) and she replied with 'yes, you WERE my sister. It won't happen again'

No reply so I'll take it as a no. She refuses to acknowledge any other member of the family if she sees them in the street or car so I shall just add myself to the list.

I'm sorry so many others have the same scenario.

Families eh!

FabBakerGirlIsBack Mon 29-Jun-09 21:22:24

I wonder if she thought you were giving her the brush off before over the number thing?

toomanystuffedbears Mon 29-Jun-09 21:30:00

Hello Fruitstick.
Well, please permit yourself to feel a little bit relieved. If she is toxic then you know there is a high price to pay to have someone like that in your life.

I kind of know the feeling you are talking about though. It is a feeling of _____. Just a blank where something should be. It is hard to put into words.

It is sad and it is too bad it is that way. Whether is has to be that way or not is hypothetical, rhetorical, mythological...hmm

Pi will be solved first.

My circumstances concern my middle sister, for whom everything must be her way or not at all. (Our parents are deceased.) Her power plays simply ground me to dust. Quite literally keeping myself pressed down to get along with her- I was very nearly in clinical depression wondering if I even existed. Things were hunky dory as long as I agreed with everything-not bad circumstances (except she wanted to be the 'go to' authority for my dc) but the process of it was toxic. Counsellor said being around her was not mentally heathy for me. Powerful statement, but it really turned things around for me.

Also a call by mistake:
I have not spoken to her since March when she voice dialed me on her cell, "by mistake". I told her she had the wrong number when she asked for someone else (I did not recognize her voice!) She said, "TMSB?" I said yes and she told me the call was a mistake-which I should have reiterated wrong number and hung up...but no, I stayed on and had a very artificial conversation for a few minutes. No contact since.

fruitstick Mon 29-Jun-09 23:48:11

bears, that sounds awfully familiar.

Ah well, at least I tried. Her loss I suppose.

ginnny Tue 30-Jun-09 10:21:09

Sounds familiar to me too. My brother won't speak to me either and every now and then I email / phone him but I get so upset and churned up when he either ignores me or send back streams of abuse I've decided its better for me to let go.
Its very hard though and I know exactly what TMSB means about the big gap in your life that can't be filled.
Hope you get a response fruitstick.

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