What to do re Fathers Day? Advice Please Moral Dilemma

[Ryn]

Without reinventing the wheel, EXP abuser who gets supervised access of DD and still in throws of court case. (he is considered risk to her physically). Constantly abusive to me when he gets the chance etc etc which is esp hard as am 32 weeks pg with new DP.

DD has fab relationship with DP, who has been around since she was 14months, but have always made sure she knows who Daddy is.

Every year so far, made sure he has card/present from DD (EXP that is). This year, he has turned more vicious, cutting her maintenance without warning, threatening me and DP etc etc. I didnt get mothers day card or birthday card on hehalf of DD which he has always done in past.

His birthday came so I still sent a card to him from DD.

Things are even worse now and he is hardly paying for her at all.

Am going today to buy DP a card and present from her and soon to be baby. Do i get him (EXP) a card or not???? She will be seeing him later on a supervised visit!

My instinct is yes as I always try to do right thing, two wrongs don't make a right etc etc but he is so vile to us i feel hypocritical.

Help!!!

ps he doesnt speak to me at all, even though I have to supervise visits!!!

[aseriouslyblondemoment]

hmm i would do the grown up thing here and give him a card and a card only
and no he doesn't deserve that but hey you're bigger than him and can rise above his nastiness

[monkeyfeathers]

Why not get DD to make him a card? It's cheaper and she'd probably enjoy it.

[Ryn]

well, i was the model parent and went armed with card and photo of DD. She gave it to him! He said nowt (fine). But i had to say something when he spat on a tissue and wiped her face. I politely said, please use a baby wipe, that is unhygienic.

He snarled, got his coat, took her pocket money off her and left!

[jugglingwoman]

Sounds like he deserved the card. I'm sorry but he's obviously not being a father to her so why does he deserve anything? My friend has a father who's a bit like that. We refer to him as 'the sperm donar' and she had no contact with him as soon as was possible.

I know you're trying to do the right thing but maybe that's to not try or worry about it. He's obviously not going to be nice or appreciate it. I also don't know why he'd buy you a card from your daughter if he's not nice to you. Personally, I'd prefer he didn't as he doesn't seem to be a 'co-parent' if you see what I mean.

Good luck with your pregancy and with bringing your little girl up to not worry about her father's 'oddness' either.