How to make friends

[CharleeInChains]

Just a quick Q.

I am wondering if anyone has any advice on making frineds. I am a little about asking this as im an adult but i will ask anyway!

DP and i have a group of freinds but thier lives and lifestyles are so different from ours mainly because we have kids now. I have no bad feeling towards them i figure we have just moved away from the friendship circle.
We still see them from time to time and will call for a friendly chat now and again but we have noticed we don't get invited out these days as we usually have to say no due to babysitting issues.

Anyway what im asking is how do we go about making friends i have absolutley no idea! Like i say we don't get to go out alot but were missing company and social interaction!

[Fimbo]

It is hard to find coupley friends. I have friends that I have met through the dc and go out for coffee with or the odd night out, a lot of them I couldn't imagine that our dh's would have that much in common.

Maybe try a social club or something

[BlameItOnTheBogey]

How old are your kids? The friends I have made recently have been through my ds. The first obstacle is to find a way to meet people but this can normally be overcome by doing something with the children which involves other people and then, if you find someone you think you might like, you just have to be brazen e.g. we should go for coffee sometime.

[CharleeInChains]

Well i find it fairly easy to make friends by myself, like you say Fimbo in mum situation and i also do an ameture dramatics club. DP however is at work all day and only knows the 'friends' i refered to in my OP. So he has no real chance to make friends, i am wondering if we should save couples nights for aourselves only and just try to make seperate friends?

[BlameItOnTheBogey]

But surely your friends have partners? Can you not invite them over for dinner or something? (Am I missing the point? Have a headache and may well be...)

[Fimbo]

Thats what we do Charlee, although we are pally with our next door neighbours.

[CharleeInChains]

Well i say im good at making friends, but i can never seem to cross the social barrier or 'friendly lady at club/school/park' to a friend for coffee or dinner iyswim?

I sometimes feel a fool as i am only 22 and i look quite young so i feel like the older mums wouldn't want to socialise with us. Thats just me being parinoid i guess!

[Queenoftheharpies]

It's really hard at the best of times, even without childcare issues. How old are your DCs? Are there any activities that you like that you could do with the kids in tow?

For example, my local sports centre has family karate, and the climbing centre has a mums and dads climbing session where people take turns to mind the littlies and the grownups get chance to climb and chat.

I've found my local book group to be a good way to meet people because the whole point of it is to talk - unlike gyms etc. where people tend to just do their own thing.

[CharleeInChains]

Our DS's are 4 and 2, DP is painfully shy so anytime i have tried to hook him up with some friends he finds the conversation awkward and its kind of ends in disaster!

Were both friendly and im pretty sure we don't smell so im sure someone must want to be friends with us!

Like i say i think its easier for me to make friends than DP i gues i shall have to keep plodding on!

[screamingabdab]

Charlee I totally sympathise with you, I remember feeling a bit at sea after I had my DS1. It's like I had forgotten how to make friends! DH still had his work friends, to socialise with, and we also had some of our friends from University, but to begin with I never got to see them as I'd be too knackered to go out after looking after DS all day.

I made new friends via baby groups I'd go to. It was a slow process, because at first all you talk about is the kids, and you are often running round after a toddler so it's hard to conduct a whole conversation. Also, some groups can feel a bit cliquey, so it's worth trying out several. After a few weeks/months, I started to go out for coffee with a couple of the mums , then we'd go to each others houses, and it led from there.

When my DSs started school, I met even more mums, and have made some really good friends. What I like about it is that I have met some people i probably would have never met otherwise. Gradually we have become friends with each others' husbands, and now go out to dinner as couples.

How old are your kids?

[screamingabdab]

Charlee. I know it doesn't look like it, but i bet a lot of the other mums feel like you. I have spoken to lots of my friends about this, and several have admitted that, looking back, they found it hard to make new friends, especially when they were maybe feeling a bit unsure of looking after the baby (i definitely felt like this, and I was 31 when I had DS1)

[screamingabdab]

Sorry, me again! I have just realised I kind of assumed you are a SAHM!!!

[Amanda78]

Hi OP,

I have made lots of new 'mum friends' that have become friends via the Netmums website. You may already have used it but if not just google netmums. Go to your local area and post a message on the local meet-a-mum board! I'm sure you will get lots of replys wanting to meet for coffee etc.
Hope that helps!

[abbierhodes]

promoting netmums? Is that allowed?

[mixedmamameansbusiness]

Hahah at Netmums... I have made a friend on MN too we met on the weight loss boards of all things.

My question is as someone else mentioned how do you cross that line of can we swap numbers etc. I really want to make friends with uni friends and nursery friends but find it hard to actually ask for the number. Although I have DS1 and 2 bdays coming up so perhaps bday parties will be the ideal opporutunity.