Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Feeling neglected...

(9 Posts)
Longo Wed 04-Mar-09 13:02:08

I think I just need to have a moan and feel sorry for myself!
DP and I have been together 3 years and we have DD 7 months who we both adore but its ruining our relationship. DP works hard in a stressful job and I'm a SAHM which I love! I do pretty much everything at home which I don't mind but I feel like I've got two children to look after and clean up after. He can't even pick up his pants! I went on strike a couple of weeks ago and only did his washing which was in the basket, he only noticed when he ran out of pants!
I think the major thing that upsets me is the complete lack of intimacy, before DD came we had an amazin sex life and that stopped when I was pregnant, he didn't like the idea of it when the baby was moving!
Can we get the intimacy back or should i just give up and accept things will always be this way!
Sorry its so long!

nickytwotimes Wed 04-Mar-09 13:08:23

No, it needn't always be this way! It is perfectly possible to have a good sex life after kids. The problems you are having outwiththe bedroom are probably related. He really needs to act like a grown up. Fair enough that you do the bulk of the home stuff as you are a sahp, but there is no excuse fo rnot tidying up after yourself. Is he willing to sit down and have a good talk about this with you?

GoodGrrrlGoneBad Wed 04-Mar-09 13:08:26

If your baby is 7mths old, it's early days. It takes a while for these things to fall back (mostly) into place.

My DH was put off sex when i was pregnant- which on reflection was kind of understandable since i was basically a ball with a person inside me! Things are more on track now.

Also, are you waiting for him to initiate things sexually? He may be worried that you're not ready / interested / too tired etc etc. And if you're breastfeeding, that will affect how you feel in terms of sex- when i was breastfeeding my mind was willing, but my body was not!

Re the housework- tell him calmly that you appreciate he has a stressful job, but so do you, and can he please do a share if the housework- say wash his own clothes,or clean the bathroom on weekends etc.

nickytwotimes Wed 04-Mar-09 13:09:26

Oh, I agrees, 7 mths is still early days!

Longo Wed 04-Mar-09 13:30:46

7 months feels like forever!
I'm not breastfeeding anymore but am still tired! I am waiting for him to initiate the sex but thats only because I have zero confidence since being a giant balloon and now all flabby!
I have tried talking to him but I feel stupid!

GoodGrrrlGoneBad Wed 04-Mar-09 13:34:48

well, i found that wearing a silky nightie (or something similar that covered my tummy up) made me a bit more confident at first.

It's a bit cheesy, but why not try cooking him something he likes, dimming the lights, slipping into something nice and giving him a bit of a grope cuddle and see what happens? If you're both holding off, it's not going to happen, is it?

GoodGrrrlGoneBad Wed 04-Mar-09 13:45:38

and your confidence will grow too, once things get going a bit more. I can remember looking in the mirror i thinking 'Jesus effing Christ!' and feeling really sad. My youngest is 16mths now, i feel sexy and slim again, and although i will always have the body of a mother (which isn't neccessarily a bad thing) i think i look great overall.

nickytwotimes Wed 04-Mar-09 15:04:40

Just hinting to your partner that you are even slightly interested in sex is enough to get things moving ime. [win]
ANd I agree, you will become more confident once you take the first few steps.
ALso, You must talk to each other. I found it hard too, bu tit is worth it and also gets easier.

Good luck.

Longo Wed 04-Mar-09 20:05:44

Thank you, will try the nice meal and something slinky! Maybe a few drinks for dutch courage! wink

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: