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Feeling neglected...

(9 Posts)
Longo Wed 04-Mar-09 13:02:08

I think I just need to have a moan and feel sorry for myself!
DP and I have been together 3 years and we have DD 7 months who we both adore but its ruining our relationship. DP works hard in a stressful job and I'm a SAHM which I love! I do pretty much everything at home which I don't mind but I feel like I've got two children to look after and clean up after. He can't even pick up his pants! I went on strike a couple of weeks ago and only did his washing which was in the basket, he only noticed when he ran out of pants!
I think the major thing that upsets me is the complete lack of intimacy, before DD came we had an amazin sex life and that stopped when I was pregnant, he didn't like the idea of it when the baby was moving!
Can we get the intimacy back or should i just give up and accept things will always be this way!
Sorry its so long!

nickytwotimes Wed 04-Mar-09 13:08:23

No, it needn't always be this way! It is perfectly possible to have a good sex life after kids. The problems you are having outwiththe bedroom are probably related. He really needs to act like a grown up. Fair enough that you do the bulk of the home stuff as you are a sahp, but there is no excuse fo rnot tidying up after yourself. Is he willing to sit down and have a good talk about this with you?

GoodGrrrlGoneBad Wed 04-Mar-09 13:08:26

If your baby is 7mths old, it's early days. It takes a while for these things to fall back (mostly) into place.

My DH was put off sex when i was pregnant- which on reflection was kind of understandable since i was basically a ball with a person inside me! Things are more on track now.

Also, are you waiting for him to initiate things sexually? He may be worried that you're not ready / interested / too tired etc etc. And if you're breastfeeding, that will affect how you feel in terms of sex- when i was breastfeeding my mind was willing, but my body was not!

Re the housework- tell him calmly that you appreciate he has a stressful job, but so do you, and can he please do a share if the housework- say wash his own clothes,or clean the bathroom on weekends etc.

nickytwotimes Wed 04-Mar-09 13:09:26

Oh, I agrees, 7 mths is still early days!

Longo Wed 04-Mar-09 13:30:46

7 months feels like forever!
I'm not breastfeeding anymore but am still tired! I am waiting for him to initiate the sex but thats only because I have zero confidence since being a giant balloon and now all flabby!
I have tried talking to him but I feel stupid!

GoodGrrrlGoneBad Wed 04-Mar-09 13:34:48

well, i found that wearing a silky nightie (or something similar that covered my tummy up) made me a bit more confident at first.

It's a bit cheesy, but why not try cooking him something he likes, dimming the lights, slipping into something nice and giving him a bit of a grope cuddle and see what happens? If you're both holding off, it's not going to happen, is it?

GoodGrrrlGoneBad Wed 04-Mar-09 13:45:38

and your confidence will grow too, once things get going a bit more. I can remember looking in the mirror i thinking 'Jesus effing Christ!' and feeling really sad. My youngest is 16mths now, i feel sexy and slim again, and although i will always have the body of a mother (which isn't neccessarily a bad thing) i think i look great overall.

nickytwotimes Wed 04-Mar-09 15:04:40

Just hinting to your partner that you are even slightly interested in sex is enough to get things moving ime. [win]
ANd I agree, you will become more confident once you take the first few steps.
ALso, You must talk to each other. I found it hard too, bu tit is worth it and also gets easier.

Good luck.

Longo Wed 04-Mar-09 20:05:44

Thank you, will try the nice meal and something slinky! Maybe a few drinks for dutch courage! wink

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