Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
why did I belive him(57 Posts)
OMG poor you
He has beheaved appallingly
Do you have anyone near you for support?
you aren't a failure.
Not sure I can be much help, just feeling for you (remember you from when it happened as mine left at the same time).
I am sure they don't see you as an idiot, the number of times I have obsessed with friends going over and over the same thing.
anothermum thats awful
Theres so many things there that make me angry and sad, I don't know what to say I hope you and your dcs are ok
He shouldn't have said anything to them without disscussing it with you
Lissylou right have you a friend close by
Oh no AM92
I am afraid the selfishness seems to go with the territory - My h is the same - No thought for anyone else just what they want.
I can only say that one day he will regret this and you will have the dc's respect for dealing with it all and helping them through it.
Just concentrate on yourself. Do not give his happiness a 2nd thought. You can and will be happy without him. With what you have been through these last few months you will probably feel a weight off your shoulders soon.
Keep your chin up and keep posting xx
We are in a weird stage as h actually gave up his (v well paid) job to get away from ow but I know they have kept in touch.
I am afraid my h thinks I am stupid but I keep a close check on his phone. Whenever she texts and I get to phone first, I just delete it
So now he is at home looking for another job. Just picked a bad time to do it as most companies have stopped employing. But, financially we will be fine for a few months.
Because of this I dont want to rush into any decisions. I now know that I can and will cope on my own. I have even gone out an got a job myself, after not working for 8 yrs! I have amazed myself.
Things will get better - take my word for it
sorry x post
How awful he has dumped this on you now, just before a holiday again. You will never want to plan another holiday again!
What a git - I am angry for you
You have done it before and you can do it again. He needs to take a step back and consider how your dc will view him.
I love the "I have to follow my heart" comment. Are his children not in his heart??
You are right, he is being incredibly selfish at the moment. I feel very angry for you. But Hoochie is right - you can move on now knowing you did everything you could to save your marriage and that you were the one who was there to support the children through this.
I am sorry that it has all gone tits up for you.
I can understand his procrastination though. He has been flattered by an attractive woman, not only to him but many other men. It is very flattering and attractive to be liked by another person. Yet he knows that he is doing an awful thing to you and his children. It seems to me that he has battled between the 2 for a while.
It is difficult to be presented with a laughing smiling happy no cares in the word woman at work and then to come home to somebody who brings out feelings of guilt ( and in no way am I saying you are at fault in any of this - I was in your position not so long ago). Some people take the easy option and go where they don't have to confront their own stupidity on a daily basis.
The only silver lining I can think of for you is that in a few months of waking up with bad hair days, hangovers, undone housework, arguements and general stress she won't seem so shiny and new. The real litmus test of a good relationship is not the fun, but how you deal with the strains. Always at the back of her mind she will be thinking when will I be traded in for a new model. Your loyalty will become more valuble to him. At that point I would tell him to Ef off.
He may be out "having fun" and you may be "stuck at home looking after his kids", and you will certainly have days where you will feel like that is the case, but that is only one small part of the story. In my view, what will really happen is that you will move forward in your life, and it will be a new life, growing and strengthening your relationship with YOUR children. And he is $#%$ing it up by choosing a fantasy of what he thinks life should be over a life that is real and true. People tend to crash and burn pretty hard living like that. Fantasies always have expiry dates.
I guess what I'm saying is that to avoid the feelings of bitterness, where possible, try to focus on the good that can come. I know it is easier said than done, but it is entirely possible that you will end up happier for this. I'm assuming your ex was not Mr. Perfect. Focus on some of that stuff and be glad that it won't be your problem any more.
I always say now that the best thing my ex ever did for me was leaving because I am a million times happier. I have a lovely DH and DD..and that's just for a start. I shudder to think of what my life would be like if I was still with that man. GOD he as an ass!!!
I wish you lots of luck and strength. Good things will come because you deserve them.
He needs to have a life?!!!!!!!
<hunts for rifle>
My God....words fail me
Make sure YOU start the divorce proceedings as, I believe, it puts you more in charge. You call the shots so to speak!
Wishing you all the strength you need x
I am about 6 weeks away from my divorce being final. I too was terrified at the start. He moved out and then moved circa 200 miles away. I work 4 days a week, don't drive and my DD was 1.5 yrs old.
My parents helped and my fantastic NCT friends helped. My ExH also said things like 'I can't babysit (Babysit????!!!) I need to have a weekend out relaxing after working all week.'
Anyway, my point is, 2.5 years down the line I am so happy. My DD and I are very close, my DP and her love each other and the only one missing out is ExH. Nothing compares to having your DC snuggling in bed with you or laughing and giggling, certainly not the bloody pub. Don't get me wrong, I have felt bitter quite a few times when I can't leave the house at night and ExH go out constantly but I'd never swap with him.
Sorry for waffling, just wanted you to know that there is a life after divorce. Take care
I really wonder what he thinks would happen to the children if you decided that you "needed a life" as well? Would they go into care? What?
He is a parent! I really feel so angry for you.
Join the discussion
Please login first.