How to have a happy marriage??

[pinkroses]

Hi. Having probs, as usual with dh and we are nearing the point of him leaving....I can see it in his eyes.

I want to fix this, but have no idea how. Seems that there is no passion between us anymore and don't know how to sort this.

I have just seen on the 'other subjects' board how to be happy, but this doesn't include marriage......so I thought we could come up with our own list of 'rules for a happy marriage.'

Hope you can help.

[Titania]

trust
love

[Titania]

compromise....a biggie in all relationships

[Guzmania]

Always let them think they make the decicions

[iota]

My top tip is to find the right man in the first place

[Amberlilli]

Talking lots and listening too.
Trying to understand the other persons point of view, him yours and you his!
A breakdown in communication could cause a problem even if there was no problem!!
(Does that make sense?)

[Amberlilli]

Please don't let me kill yet another thread!!

[noddyholder]

talk talk talk and try to remember why you got together to start with try and keep doing the things you have always enjoyed together and make time...............a bj also helps!

[noddyholder]

oh god I've posted my reply on the wrong thread so sorry didn't mean to sound flippant about your problem i was answering something else or so I thought

[Amberlilli]

No NH you did answer on the right thread, you were just on the porn thingy one weren't you?

[vict17]

the same sense of humour (at leat some of the time)
the same values
respect

[noddyholder]

oh good was getting confused been on here too long today!

[kelli22]

im not married but i think its being able to say your sorry and when you argue (as almost all couples do) instead of saying you did this u did that, say when you did such n such i felt really...hurt (or whatever)
so your not personally attacking the other person, your just stating facts and then talking about hjow you feel about their behaviour not them as a person (if that makes sense)
theres no need to call names etc
stick to the point and dont drag things up from the past.
sometimes you gotta let it go and realise they don't mean it and let it go over your head.

[kissalot]

Having respect for eachother should be a huge part of it

[munz]

yes with guz, plant the idea in their mind then nurture it when they come out with it say ooh yes that's a good idea.

communication, lots of talking even if it's about random crap (mainly talked about in my house)

trust, honesty,

[Dahlia]

Trust, respect, lots of talking, letting the other one go off and do their own thing, ie, a night out without you, or a hobby that they really enjoy and can indulge themselves in. I think quality time on your own is really important. Works for me and dh. The odd surprise pressie, for no reason is good too.

[pinkroses]

Some great advice...thanks. Have to admit I can see where things don't work between my dh and I. He can be horrid to me and never apologises....whereas I always try and smooth things over.

Men, eh!!

[munz]

in our house we don't apologise as such we make the other person a cup of tea, its become an apology of sorts. things r normally OK after that.

[happymerryberries]

Never go to sleep on an argument. Come to a compromise/apologise /make a cup of tea....do whatever means 'reconciliation' for you two before you go to bed. Sleeping on it just helps things to fester, I think.

Be honest with each other, and always ask yourselves 'how would I feel if 'he' did this to me?' before you do anything (and he should do the same in return)

[saadia]

Be polite and have good manners. I think often married people don't treat each other with the same consideration that they would treat complete strangers.

[GeorginaA]

Laughs. Lots of them.

Find where your senses of humour meet and exploit it - whether daft films, taking the piss out of each other, silly walks... whatever floats your boat.

You can get through a lot of crap if you can laugh together.

Laughter is a thousand times better than passion for keeping a marriage going in my book (okay, both would be nice, but hey, who's picky )

[trinityrocks]

laughing, trust, honesty, letting them have their own life, try to argue without blaming, remebering why you got together in the first place!!!!!!!

[Njata]

This is just my opinion but I think that understanding what a marriage is is the first thing. The hearts and flowers stage doesnt last. Passion, that heart flip and sweaty palms every time you see them etc is not sustainable long term (you'd die of dehydration for a start!), but you find that when that goes, people think they have 'fallen out of love' and start looking for alternatives! But if you let it, your relationship develops and your bond deepens - you replace the hot flushes with deep mutual respect, understanding, trust and you love each other as opposed to being 'in love', if you see what I mean. You build a life together. I have been married for 7 years and for the first 18 months it was all passion and romance, then the novelty of being married wore off and we settled down to our life! We've got our kids and we enjoy watching them grow and develop, we talk a lot - discuss things happening in the news, our opinions on politics, religion, marmite (love it or hate it!), we dont get bored with each other because we are constantly learning! We laugh a lot, share jokes together, and lean on each other when facing a problem. I could actually write on and on about this, but will spare you!!! If you dont want to start by actually sitting him down and telling him how you feel and that you are scared he wants to not be with you any more, maybe you could begin by putting some fun back into your relationship - share a joke or funny story, curl up next to him, pop an unexpected cup of tea in front of him - do some little things that show him he matters to you, then talk.....

[decmum]

I reckon you should sleep on an arguement. When you're tired at the end of the day everything always seems worse. After a bit of sleep often it all seems trivial or at least you can be more objective about whatever the arguement is about.
Obviously a bit of sleep and time can't resolve MAJOR issues but helps with the daily parental niggles.

[jojo38]

Don't get married? Nah, try living your own life but including each other in it. Everyone needs someone and everyone needs space. Give and take.