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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

how long before you call it a day

16 replies

kemp124 · 22/03/2005 13:58

iam at the moment going to relate to try to patch up my relationship. I was due to get married this year, my partner acused me of having an affair which was totally not true, he walked out for a week. We got back together decided to call wedding and engagnent of i dont think it was a good idea to get married the bloke i fell in love with and was due to marry was acussing me of something iam not capable of hes changed, not the man i fell in love with. We or should i say i decided relate would help us both. Hes told me he doesnt trust me, we are not a couple like we were, there is no contact, cuddles kisses let alone sex, he just doesnt talk. Iam trying so hard to reach him but feel he is getting further away. All hes bothered about is work he says. Iam going out iof my mind and ready to throw the towl in

OP posts:

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colditzmum · 22/03/2005 14:03

Get rid of him. If he can't treat you like a human being with feelings of your own, he isn't worth it.

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Amsterdad · 22/03/2005 14:34

Agree with Colditzmum... Further it is a long journey ahead of you, and you will need support, trust and maturity. There WILL be someone out there for you, but this guy doesn't sound the one. Sorry if it sounds blunt?

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HappyDaddy · 22/03/2005 15:27

Bin him. He's an arse.

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laneydaye · 22/03/2005 15:32

kemp give it a go....marriage isnt easy but dont give up.... you fell in love with him and hes still there (somewhere)

arent you lot sensitive......

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kama · 22/03/2005 15:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

noddyholder · 22/03/2005 15:35

I think let him go too marriage won't fix this and will make it harder to leave Do you have children?

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anorak · 22/03/2005 15:36

laneydaye I think kemp is saying she cancelled the wedding, so they're not yet married. If they were I would agree with you but it sounds to me a good thing they didn't take that step.

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HappyDaddy · 22/03/2005 15:41

i'm as sensitive as a brick, laney

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laneydaye · 22/03/2005 15:42

does noone try and make things work anymore.....

im not married but i act like we are a certificate wont change that

i certainly would try and give someone positive advice...(if possible) instead of bin him hes an arse......
not very nice that imo.

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HappyDaddy · 22/03/2005 15:46

laney, i read the post. he's treating her like crap, should she put up with that? In my opinion, no she shouldn't. Just because you don't agree, doesn't mean you are right. Nor does my point mean I'm right.

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laneydaye · 22/03/2005 15:50

kemp my advice is keep at it.....
its shit when relationships are going down hill but talk to him and try to get him to remember why you both fell in love!

really hope things work out for you both.xxx

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Amsterdad · 22/03/2005 15:53

Laney, I agree that you should make every effort to make things work in many situations. But I agree with HD on this; the guy sounds unpleasant and getting married would just complicate the situation...

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MeerkatsUnite · 22/03/2005 17:36

If you are ready to throw the towel in on this then you must go with your gut instinct.

If a friend was teeling you this what would your own counsel be?.

I think you were wise to cancel the wedding at the time if he treated you like that.

If he is not prepared to give you an emotionally honest answer as to why he is behaving the way he is (I would say that jealousy and self esteem are inextrciably linked) then he has given you his answer albeit subconsciously. Him not talking is not being fair on you.

Although Lacey is correct in that problems should be worked at, it has to be done by both of you equally. As it is you are trying to patch up your relationship but he is seemingly not doing anything to try to resolve things. He frankly does not seem at all interested in trying to work things out.

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lou33 · 22/03/2005 19:49

Give him the boot, life is too short, you can do better.

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Caligula · 22/03/2005 19:59

Problems should only be worked at if there's a hope in hell of solving them.

Who was it who said "If at first you don't succeed, try again, then quit. No use being a damn fool about it" ?

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kemp124 · 24/03/2005 12:32

was over the moon with all your help and support. I did want to give it ago and to a certain degree think you should work at things but when its only a one way street you carnt sort anything out, its just stupid and selfish the way hes going on. Relate is my last stab at it i know that for sure. I have 3 kids 18, 13, and 3 the youngest is his i was married before and i suppose thats another reason i cancelled the wedding dont want to make the same mistake