Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Should I say about Aunty Flo's visit or not?

(28 Posts)
Kally Thu 23-Oct-08 09:48:18

My BF is travelling down to see me this weekend. He has to rearrange his schedule at work, get his little boy to his EW, spend money on fares (money's tight). Travel for a few hours late at night after a days work ... We were 'chuffed' because my DD is going to a freinds for the weekend and we'll have the place quiet and to ourselves. (Rare).

We don't see a whole lot of each other due to all above, it's been that way for nearly 2 years now, But we are still very much into each other.

I have just got my period. Blah.. was late for some reason (it's starting to be a bit irregular... age etc)

I know that sounds really crapp and I don't want to give the wrong impression here, but I feel it's a bummer really and I want to tell him and give him the option of choosing to wait another a week and we can really enjoy each other. But even saying that to myself on here, sounds a bit shallow. Also, if he turns round and says 'OK I;ll come next weekend', will make it seem even worse... so I am in a dilemma. Shall I just let him turn up and then tell him? Usually it all systems go as soon as we meet (providing DD at her buddies)...

I know there are things you can 'do' to alleviate the situation which can be just as enjoyable... but still. In the two years I have known him this hasn't really upset the applecart luckily.

I really want him to come, I miss him and he misses me.

Should this not even come into the equation? Just being together is the most important thing etc? (But we love sex with each other)...( I'm not one of those women that could go full penetrative sex whilst menstruating hmm don't think so anyway smile perhaps he's not up for it hmm) so please don't suggest that.

Sounds shallow but I bet you've been in this situation some time or other...

I guess I should take it as it comes, but should I say before making him do all that to get to me? Take it as one of the grey factors of a LDR?

Sounds even more 'primitive and grotty' the more I re-read it... blush I want him here 'not' just for sex?

Dropdeadfred Thu 23-Oct-08 09:58:47

I do understand what you mean to a degree...when dh had a long distance relationship in the first year or so I was gutted if this occurred on one of 'our' weekends...but it has to rear it's ugly head at sometime doesn't it?
And your relationship is about more than SEX isn't it...(have a hard think grin).

I'm sure you will still have fun...and anyway..I always find that straight after a deep haot bath I have at least 30-45 mins before I haveto grab him then..wink

Kally Thu 23-Oct-08 10:06:32

Really? What the flow lessens? Would have thought a bath sort of egged it on?

hana Thu 23-Oct-08 10:08:58

aren't you both adults? Just tell him - think you're making a bigger deal of it than it really is

ForeverOptimistic Thu 23-Oct-08 10:09:26

Postpone the weekend because you have your period? hmm

I had a long distance relationship with dh when we first met and I can remember feeling so excited that we would get to spend time together, I would never have postponed the date just because we couldn't have sex!

chopchopbusybusy Thu 23-Oct-08 10:16:28

I think you're thinking too much about it. How would you feel if you mentioned it to him and he decided to postpone the weekend. If it were me it would tell me all I needed to know about the relationship. DH and I had a long distance relationship for a year before we moved in together. We saw one another most weekends and at least every other weekend, so we must have been in that situation,(but don't specifically remember it) but tbh we would have just put some old towels down on the bed and got on with it blush.

Blu Thu 23-Oct-08 10:24:08

I think few women are completely blase about the added mess, but you know you can still both have a great time sexually - and in other ways.

Probably too short notice now, but acquiring a cap / diaphragm could be a good tactic - even if you don't use it for contraceptive purposes, they contain the flow for an hour or so!

If you even think of postponing you w/e then you are half way to decalring yourslf 'unclean' and in some kind of self-imposed purdah- v negative around your period.

WigWamBam Thu 23-Oct-08 10:35:21

Do you want him to think that you only want him there when you can have sex? If I were him, I would be hurt and insulted if I thought you didn't want me there simply because you didn't want to have sex. If he's any sort of man he will want to see you anyway, regardless of what you'll do when you go to bed.

You really want him to come. You miss him. He misses you. Isn't that more important than the fact you don't want to have penetrative sex?

Dropdeadfred Thu 23-Oct-08 10:35:49

to be completely gross a bath for me (on lighter days) seems to wash anything away and then it take sat least half an hour for the flow to restart..sorry if TMI

Anyway...although sex is not the be all and end all of a relationship (and I'd certianly dump him if he didn't want to come and see me because I was on my period) I do understand the frustrations of spending a weekend with someone you fancy the pants off and having to keep your pants on...

sayithowitis Thu 23-Oct-08 10:42:51

Bit late for you for this visit, but I use a diaphragm as my contraception and an added bonus is that I don't have to worry about doing the deed during my period because as well as stopping those dreaded manseeds getting in, it also holds my stuff back IYSWIM. So, no mess, lots of fun and no babies!

hauntedcitylover Thu 23-Oct-08 11:24:08

so pleased to meet a fellow diagphram user. We seem to be a rare breed nowadays!

I posted on another thread about how I went to fp clinic to get one refitted (after using other things for many years) and they looked at me as if I was mad.

They don't promote them anymore and I think they will just go out of fashion.

sayithowitis Thu 23-Oct-08 12:04:15

Yes HCL, we do seem to be a dying breed don't we! I have used it happily for nearly 25 years now, no accidents, a very much planned family, no more nast effects from the pill and no loss of spontanaiety either! I would always recommend it to others, but as you say, it is very unfashionable at the moment. have to get the gel from US as the tiny little tubes available here are so expensive and only last a couple of goes! But, I would never want to change t another form of contraception now. When I no longer have to use it ( in a couple of years or so hopefully[grin, I will almost be sad to say goodbye to my 'bowler hat' as DH so lovinlgy refers to it!

skyatnight Thu 23-Oct-08 13:37:39

I've had this situation in the past. He was a bit disappointed initially, as he had his own expectations, but I put a lot of effort in, in other ways IYSWIM blush, to make sure that that disappointment didn't last. The bath beforehand plus a towel idea would probably work too. I wouldn't cancel the weekend and I wouldn't mention the 'problem' until he arrives. He is coming to see you, it is not all about sex.

Kally Thu 23-Oct-08 19:05:32

Thanks for all your responses. I don't have the diaphragm thingy... good idea tho! I haven't mentioned it even as we spoke today and have decided it's part of 'us' we have to expect. Sure we'll have a 'good' time, we always do really so....

Anyway, I figure, if he had something I'd still want to see him regardless of whether we could get at it or not. It's probably a time for discovering different levels of ourselves anyway, (improvising so to speak), which is something we haven't had to face yet.
S'funny, as having been married for 25 odd years (unhappily too must confess) I was always so glad when I came on as it was always a 'goodnite... snore' (no hassling)... now I'm with someone I am nuts about and it's the complete opposite. That is why I had to ask (at my age too)blush...

zippitippitoes Thu 23-Oct-08 19:11:28

thius has happened to me

i wait until he gets here and we are cvose before saying im having a period

actually it doesnt really bother him at all

we have just carried on

similarly it didnt come up for ages

tho in fact i cancelled our second date because of it but didnt tell him and we werent having sex then anyway

he seems to think it is odd to be bothered about it

it is annoying tho but inevitable in a long distance relationship

glad you are still enjoying yours smile

Kally Thu 23-Oct-08 19:20:32

Yeah zippi still going strong with MrMcD. I still haven't been over there tho. We had a huge talk about it (I think I even posted about that part of it) and for now I have 'back burnered' the whole visit. But he's still sweet and enthusiastic, as I am for him. Guess some things have weird dynamics that you have to be patient with.

2cats2many Thu 23-Oct-08 19:21:53

Dare I say...........bum sex?

Kally Thu 23-Oct-08 19:31:35

Ha! 2cats just added my thoughts about that on another post on this section !!! I'm one of those scaredycats...

traceybath Thu 23-Oct-08 19:37:25

I'd second straight after a bath as flow diminishes.

Also since having children my periods are much much shorter - barely a day of heavy bleeding. Hopefully you'll be really light by the time he arrives.

Candles and a towel and you'll be fine

zippitippitoes Thu 23-Oct-08 19:38:36

bum sex is roughly a million times less apealiong than bleeding over the bed and him

Kally Thu 23-Oct-08 19:43:54

Ha ha ha zippi Naaa. Still haven't got the arsehole courage for it.

SylvieSprings Thu 23-Oct-08 19:54:13

Be missing out on - anal incontinence, tears, lumps & bumps, including warts and polyps, change in bowel habits, HPV, HIV, STDs and the list goes on.

Not an incredibly tempting prospect either!

LaVie Thu 23-Oct-08 19:54:33

are you on the pill? starting anew pack early usually stops AF pretty quickly.

I tend to take 2 packs back to back anyway so that i don't have as many periods.

Kally Thu 23-Oct-08 20:00:50

No not on the pill... period getting really heavy duty too as day wears on. I find that I have one light month (last month) then a really heavy one where I can't go far from home sorta thing... darn.
Ah well...Think I'm a bit coming onto menopause as well (well should be by now, coming up for 52) (time is running out ha ha ha)

mashedbanana Thu 23-Oct-08 20:13:16

we had 2 weekends away no dd as she was staying with my mum.we were away for weddings so couldn't change anything but both times i had my period.i felt it put a dampner on things as ideal opportunity for some uninterrupted hows your father.still had fab time though.

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, watch threads, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now »

Already registered? Log in with: