In a dark place

[darkplace]

I need serious help to get out of this dark place that I am in. DP and I split 8 months ago, last 5 months have kept in touch by text and have seen each other twice. I still love him and my heart is breaking as after seeing each other at the weekend I realised that we cant go on like this, but I feel like I am dying inside and I just want to go to sleep and not wake up as I dont want to think about him any more. I just keep crying, feel so sick I want all this pain to go away, I want to move on. I am having such horrid dark thoughts. Please help me, how do i move on. I am scared I am going to do something stupid.

[Finbar]

oh please go and get some proper help through this. I think a cousellor would help alleviate so much of your burden. Just talkign abu tyour feeligns wold be a uge relif and acousellor wold be outside of your situation and 'safe' to talk to . I hoep things get better for you I really do.

[mumoverseas]

oh darkplace, I wish I knew what I could say to make things better. I'm no expert on relationships but would have thought still keeping in touch wasn't helping. Yes you still love him, but surely the fact that he is still on the scene stops you from moving on? Please don't do anything silly. You will get over him and meet someone else. 4 years ago I was dumped in a really terrible way by my partner of 3 years then my dad died and I thought my whole world had fallen apart. I got through it as you will too and I met my wonderful DH the following year and have been happily married for 3 years. I know things must seem terrible now, but they will get better, have faith. x

[thesockmonsterofdoom]

I would say ring the samaritans now, or see if you an see your GP immediatley or in the morning, most surgeries are open till 6, call them now.

[darkplace]

I have been trying to have faith for the last 8 months but I feel in a worse place now than ever,I was coping okish until he got back in touch 5 montns ago, I have talked about my feelings to my friend but I dont feel any better, I am so scared that I cant move on, I am so sad I really dont want to be here.

[nomanworthcrying4]

Been there - and it does get better.

Grief is the worst feeling in the world and that is what you are feeling. Try not to torture yourself by going over the good times and when you were happy. I suppose you can see him moving on with his life and you feel trapped in the past wondering what the hell has hit you?

Please explain why you split and what you are thinking. I think it will help people on MN help you more.

Have you got support from friend and family?

((((HUGS))))

[mumoverseas]

really unfair of him to get in touch like that if you were doing ok. Why did he get in touch? if you think that has made things worse then you need to tell him (text or write to him but don't speak on phone) tell him you are trying to move on and can't with him contacting you.
you will move on. we've all been there and we do. x

[honestfriend]

does he want you back? is that possible?

[darkplace]

Sorry internet went down, have been up all night crying and having a pain in my chest, so so sad. During the night been having dark thoughts about harming my self and i know that is not right.

We where only together for 2 years but we where so close went out together for 3 years when i was 15 20 years ago now. When we met again he had split up from his wife 6 months previous,then 18 months into our relationship she went funny stopped him from seeing the children,started spending all the money (they also owned a business together)the divorce was getting messy, the children where very upset so he decided to go back home for the sake of the children and for the sake of the business that he had built up. At the time I was very upset but I understood as I couldnt see him hurting over the children, and we cried alot.

Why he got back in touch I dont know I asked him the question and he wouldnt answer as he said whats the point when it would surely just keep me hanging on and he wouldnt want that. But he wouldnt explain I would rather have know what ever it was and it might help me feel better. I feel he has been really selfish and that he has been playing mind games with me. Why do it?

I am just so sad and down and I know its so selfish to have these thoughts about not being here any more but it has been torture for me the past few months him being in touch and not letting me move on, I know I should never have replied, surely he must known what damage he was doing or was it just an ego trip for him?

Somebody please help me as i dont know what to do and how to get over it, I feel so weak feeling like this and stupid gosh i am in my 30's not a teenager.

[cocoleBOO]

So is he still with his wife now? If so you must tell him to leave you alone. He has to make the decision who he wants to be with, he can't keep you dangling or you will never be able to move on. Please go to your Dr or phone The Samaritians. I'm so sorry you are feeling like this.

[mumoverseas]

darkplace, so sorry you've had a bad night.
I think you should make an appointment to see your GP and explain how you feel. I know medication is not always the answer but perhaps some short term course of tablets may help you feel a little better.
In my opinion, you have to cease all contact with him. Write or text him, tell him not to contact you and if needs be, change your phone number. Talk to some good friends and get their support. If they are good friends then they will support you. Maybe they don't see how down you are?
I know it is hard and it is painful and it will be for a while, but it will get better

[darkplace]

Yes he moved back in May but she isnt happy as she knows that he has just moved back for the children. He says he wants me to be happy well he should have just left me alone shouldnt he. When I saw him at the weekend he looked so sad,ill and has lost weight so skinny.

I have got a very good friend and she is the only one that knows that we have been in touch still and she said its making you ill stop it now before you come really poorly. She cant believe how down and ill it has made me.

Why get back in touch and do this to some one that you are meant to care about.

Feel to scared to go to the doctors feel like I am a weak person. I just want all this pain to go away.

[cocoleBOO]

You're not a weak person, your Dr will be able to help you. Your ex really needs to stop seeing you if he isn't going to leave his wife.
There are a lot of people on here who are on anti-d's, it doesn't mean you are weak, just that you need a little exta help.

Your ex needs to sort his own life out.