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Dealing with rejection from friends?

(10 Posts)
Wantingtobeliked Wed 17-Sep-08 14:54:01

I have name changed for this, as I feel a bit embarassed about this.
I have never had heaps of friends - I guess I am not an extrovert - but friends have always been important to me.
I have some good friends from university, that I keep in touch with, but they are not in the UK. I became a lone parent a couple of years ago, with a very young DD, and had been making a big effort to make more friends in London. But I feel it's always me making a big effort, and suggesting to people that we get together and do things, and I feel very hurt and rejected when they say they are too busy, etc. I can deal with it if it's someone I don't know that well. But it hurts when it's someone that I consider to be a friend. For example, today I contacted a friend about getting together, and she kept saying that yes, we should do something, but then kept saying how on that day she had to go to the gym, on another day something else, etc.
Anyway, it just really hurt me. I guess it's one of those things that if I was still with DH I would just brush off and not worry about, but because I am alone, it's hard not to take personally...

Sorry, none of this probably makes any sense, but I just wanted to know whether I am particularly paranoid, or whether other people feel like that sometimes...

WingsofaAngel Wed 17-Sep-08 15:00:55

I think we all have moments like that.

Don't beat yourself up about it.

Have you tried getting involved in different groups or activities.

Does your DD go to school or nursery yet maybe you could volunteer and meet people that way who will have something in common with you.

Greyclay Wed 17-Sep-08 15:06:50

It's probably harder for you as a single parent but you should be proud of yourself for putting yourself out there. I have an introverted personality too so I know how difficult it can be. I also know how hard it is to not take the "brush offs" personally but you probably shouldn't. People get caught up in the day-to-day business of their lives and it can be hard to fit everything in. People don't mean to be thoughtless. Have you thought about looking into any single parent social groups or anything like that?

Wantingtobeliked Wed 17-Sep-08 15:22:42

Thank you for reading my rambling thoughts !!
My DD is still very little and I work, so it is hard to meet other parents.
I guess all I can do is keep trying to friendly with people, and not take things personally !

p1umpudding Wed 17-Sep-08 18:34:06

I know how you feel. Try and make some more friends and mother and baby groups/ NCT tea parties. I feel lonely and isolated at times, but I try to make myself open to the idea of making friends all time.

kt14 Wed 17-Sep-08 20:00:30

I really feel for you, what about having a girls night in and inviting some of your friends over for a mid week glass of wine?

I'm sure your friends aren't rejecting you at all, everyone feels that way occasionally, but you need to pick yourself up and carry on being as friendly and as approachable as possible, while avoiding seeming desperate, (I'm sure you don't) as that can send people running.

Making proper friends does take time and you can't rush it. Go to every social event you can, start a book club or whatever interests you and you'll eventually find that you start to meet people you click with. Good luck!

IfYouDidntLaughYoudCry Wed 17-Sep-08 21:27:39

Hi Wanting

Truely good friends can be hard to find but the more you meet people, the more chance you have of meeting people. I think many people out there would love to make new, genuine friends and find it difficult.
Plus it can be hard arranging things with existing friends. I'm sure they don't mean it personally xx

Wantingtobeliked Wed 17-Sep-08 21:37:44

Thanks very much to all of you.
I feel much better now !

girlsnextdoor Wed 17-Sep-08 22:22:15

Have been where you are - like to have close friends but not naturally extrovert- wait for others to make the first move!

Have often felt rejected by people i THOUGHT were good friends and who have dropped me- due to them being too busy.

Just to say- try not to take it personally and yes, get out more. If you stop looking , but do things you enjoy anyway, you might meet lots of people who will become friends.

I think what has helped me is to understand that friends come and go in our lives and if they go, it is not always down to us doing something wrong...they just move on.

Chin up!

mrsruffallo Wed 17-Sep-08 22:43:40

Everyone feels like this sometimes.
My advice would be to relax and get to know people gradually before suggesting a get together
And let them make the move occassionaly.
Don't act desperate

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