Why do I keep having these dreams?

[eternaldweller]

I have been very happily married for 4 years, and I don't feel we have any real problems within the marriage. I love my dh very much but I keep having dreams sex/love themed dreams about an old flame; I say 'old flame' but it is actually someone from school days who was a boyfriend to my best friend.

I was head over heels in love with him when we were younger to the point where it was physically painful to be around him. After they split up we had a few drunken fumbling nights , but on the whole we were just good mates. I can honestly say this was the strongest infatuation I have ever felt.

He is a facebook friend, but after the intial 'getting back in touch' type chat/flirting , we don't really speak.

Last night dh and I had a fantastic night sexually, we really connected again. What happens? I end up dreaming about old flame! In the dreams I feel so happy when I'm physically close to him...arghhh why can't I get him out of my system!?

In the cold light of day I know him to be an arrogant, thirty something big kid, who I'm pretty sure never really felt anything near this for me. I don't know to move on from these silly dreams and forget the past, but how?

I have namechanged for this, as I would be mortified. Feels good to get this off my chest.

[pandorasof]

Hi,

I wouldn't worry too much about it, it is only a dream after all. I dream all the time about the most bizarre things, i used to worry about what it meant and even got books to try and work them out. But what i did learn was they recon what you dream about isn't literally linked to what you are feeling.

I mean i fancy Brad Pitt but my mind has never let me have any sexual dreams about him

My advise would be to take him off your facebook, put him back into your past where he belongs and i'm sure your dreams will move on too.

[HappyWoman]

i would also say dont worry about it - i worried once that i had the most vivid dreams of murdering people and actually really enjoying it - in fact the more gory the better - it even involved people i loved very much.
I was more disturbed by the fact that i knew i had felt really good in the dream.

I too leaned that it does not mean i have a deep desire to actually murder but was just my minds way of sorting things out.

I do think some dreams may mean things but gernerally they are only what your memory lets you remember and you somehow try to make sense of it in the cold light of day.

[eternaldweller]

Thanks for your replies. I know it sounds pretty pathetic really, but I do dream about him a lot. I suppose I'm annoyed with myself -I shouldn't feel like this, but even after all these years, I think I'd go weak at the knees if I saw him again. Oh someone slap me!

[AnnasBananas]

Eternaldweller, here's your slap

I have the exact same experience. I have been happily married for seven years, two lovely dc's and a good sex life with DH. But I still have dreams about my ex who I have not seen/spoken to in over 10 years when I left him after he had an affair. So he was a dirt-bag and I never really think about him during the day...but nighttime is a different matter!! I often dream he is the father of my kids, or in my dream I can't rememeber who I'm married to, or I can't remember who the kids' father is...weird????? Even though he was a selfish, thoughless, immature so-and-so (I could go on and on) at the time I was SO physically attracted to him and although I definitely fancy DH I have to be honest and say not on quite the same scale. Luckily he lives in another country so I'll never bump into him, I think I'd be too embarrassed to speak to him.

[AnnasBananas]

Forgot to mention that I have never confessed this to any of my friends - they would think I had lost the plot completely especially as they propped me up and were so kind and supportive over his cheating!

[eternaldweller]

Good to know it's not just me Annasbananas. Noone knew how besotted (sp?) I was with him, I don't think I've ever gotten over how powerful my unrequited love was [sad get emoticon]!