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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Neighbours - what should I do?

12 replies

Flowertop · 08/09/2008 12:12

This may be a tad long but please bear with me. Moved into a lovely house last year, only drawback was the ugly lalandi (sp?) trees which surrounded the back garden - not a deal breaker as we loved the house. Moved in but the trees made everything very dark and depressing so we decided they had to go. Went around to neighbours to discuss and told them reasons etc. and although they were not too happy as it took away a lot of their privacy there was no argument. DH told them that if they had any concerns then please come and chat. They didn't. Trees came down, I have lovely light and a much bigger garden.
Walked into foodstore one day and heard people mouthing off about their neighbours taking down their trees (talking to another of our neighbours), saying our boys were being a nuisance as their balls kept coming over. One ball which I told the boys not to go around and retrieve (as didn't want to start bothering them) and if they wanted to return it they would throw over the fence. I was really hurt and just said 'hello' in a very loud voice. Lots of embarrassed faces and went home. Now they don't acknowledge us at all.
When we moved in we had them in for drinks and they seemed really ok.
Do I write them a letter to try and sort it out or just leave it.
The sad thing is if they had come and talked to us about their concerns DH would have come to some agreement around providing screening (obviously we would have paid 50% of the cost). DH not bothered if we don't speak but I feel awful as hate falling out with people. Any views?

OP posts:

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SoupDragon · 08/09/2008 12:15

Whose trees were they??

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JellySnakes · 08/09/2008 12:21

I am assuming that the trees were yours to cut down in the first place then?

I think you did the right thing by discussing things with your neighbours first, just a shame they couldn't have voiced their opinions before you cut them down!

How much do you want to be on good terms with them? If it really bothers you then go and see them. Tell them you heard their conversation and were concerned, as you thought they were ok with the trees coming down when you spoke about it before.

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SheSellsSeashellsByTheSeashore · 08/09/2008 12:24

balls going over your wall is very annoying. i know it cant be helped but i think this maybe the issue more than the trees iyswim.

my neighbours dc's balls go over my back wall all the time. i get sick of them knocking on the door every ten minutes so after about the fourth time in an hour i bring the dog inside and leave the back gate so they can get their won ball.

maybe if the fence is low enough the neighbours might not mind them climbing over to gte it back? i cant help if its squashing prissy pretty flowers. im not bothered so long as its not smashing windows.

are your neighbours older? perhaps they have no tolerance for children. id try a letter if doesnt work just forget it. their problem not yours.

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ajandjjmum · 08/09/2008 12:27

People are funny, and often only see things from their point of view.

We had an extension (to house my mum), and our neighbour got very uppity about it, and gossiped to everyone passing by. A couple of years previously she and her husband had been ready to sell their house to a developer who would have built three properties in the rear garden, which would have had quite an impact on us. But that was OK. Infact, we didn't object to their plans, but the deal fell through on planning.

Perhaps pop round and say that you were disappointed about the situation, especially as you would have been flexible, but you cannot see any benefit in an atmosphere.

Or maybe get your ds to aim at her greenhouse next time!!!

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GrimmaTheNome · 08/09/2008 12:27

Can't you put up some sort of trellis or netting with not-too-dense climbers?

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Flowertop · 08/09/2008 12:31

The trees are ours and our neighbours had complete privacy with them being there as they were very high. It's really a no win situation as if we had kept the trees in to please them we would have hated it and now they've gone they hate it.
They are an older couple (with grandchildren). Don't think it's the balls as only one went over and now I tell the boys to play at the other end of the garden. Just feel we have done everything to try to keep them happy and we are the villans in all this. I just hate the thought of them talking about us to all our other newish neighbours as people will then have this incorrect idea of us. Sorry just wanted to put something down and get your opinions.
Just think they like to think of their house as a little island and in reality they have houses around them.
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OP posts:

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SoupDragon · 08/09/2008 12:55

They were your trees - TBH I think it was very nice of you to go and discuss it with them. I'd just let it drop.

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batters · 08/09/2008 13:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Paddlechick666 · 08/09/2008 13:43

I think you've done what you can in consulting with them etc.

Perhaps the only thing more you could have done was offer to assist with "screening" costs when you discussed taking the trees down.

You have the moral highground here but if you'd like to regain good terms with them why not pop round and take the bull by the horns?

Tell them you're sorry they're not happy with the trees coming down and ask them if they'd be prepared to go 50/50 on a higher fence.

TBH, if it were me I'd be very cross and inclined to think "stuff them, my trees and my perogative!". however, i know how uncomfortable you can feel if you think you've upset a neighbour.

My neighbour makes noise most evenings and into the small hours and disturbs me. I've just had major guilt about doing a whole pile of shredding which they must be able to hear. How ridiculous that I should feel bad about shredding at 11am when they clearly don't give a toss about playing loud music at 1am!

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onebatmother · 08/09/2008 14:20

If they were that worried they could put up a trellis - or god forbid plant some replacement leylandii - on their side of the fence, surely?

I'd leave them to it. I'm sure your new neighbours will be well aware of this couple and their foibles already.

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poppy34 · 08/09/2008 14:36

sounds like you've gone out of your way to be a good neighbour- there is no pleasing some people (and one ball ffs...)

but do understand - its horrid when not on ok terms with neighbour -our ex neighbour was complete cow who was always complaining, i was bloody delighted when she moved out

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Flowertop · 08/09/2008 15:27

Thanks so much for all your replies. You really have made me feel so much better. Sometimes I think we can be made to feel as if we are in the wrong when we try so hard to keep everyone happy. I wish I was more the 'sod em' type and not care about others.
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