How do you keep your relationship fresh and exciting and avoid taking each other for granted?

[Jacaranda]

DH and I have found ourselves in a bit of a rut. We're both aware of it, which is good, and we are trying to make some time for each other. We're off to the cinema together this week, something we haven't done for ages.

What do you and you partner do to keep things fresh, excting? How do you stop taking each other for granted?

[findtheriver]

Having a hobby or interest which is separate from your partner is a good one. Also, cinema together, with a drink after to talk about the film. Cooking a special meal together, after kids in bed, once a week. Dress up and slap on the make up and treat it like a date. Have a swap around of the chores you normally do - eg if you tend to do bills and finance, let your partner do it, and if he does kids bath and bed, then you do it - great way to appreciate the little jobs your partner does. Planning a holiday somewhere different and exciting.
Lastly, I think every so often most people need a major change in their life to give yourselves a new challenge/focus. My DH has just started a new job, and it's like he has a new lease of life, he's so inspired! And I'm looking forward to meeting his new colleagues at social events - it's a bit like starting over again in a way! I know you can't do the major changes very often, but I do think people shouldnt be afraid to move house/travel/ change career etc - everyone needs a new challenge every so often.

[twinsetandpearls]

I agree about the new challenge dp and I have just moved and it has been so good for us, making new friends, settling in a new town exploring new places.

I think the fact you are aware that you are in a rut is fantastic as it means you can work together to get out of it.

We have hobbies we do together as well as apart and that brings us togther. We try and go out alone, making an effort to dress up, although that has been harder since moving.

[verylapsedrunner]

Currently DH works abroad for 6 weeks, home for 2 weeks.....absence makes the heart grow fonder etc

[singingmum]

Buy the adult game monogamy and only play with the first level which gives ideas to help spend more time together and gets you talking.My dp and I have found that this has made us realise that we had kind of stopped getting to know each other and that after almost 15yrs together there were things that we had never disscussed from our fav seasons to opinions on politics.It's also useful if you need to spice your love life up at the same time with the two other levels of play that get hotter and fantasies to play with if needed.You can of course just stick with the get to know each other more bit but I can honestly say that the other levels are fun anyway.
Sorry just realised I sound like an advertisement but am actually that impressed at what this game has done for my dp and me.

[twinsetandpearls]

Have never heard of that singingmum, not sure dp would do that.

[findtheriver]

wow singingmum - I havent heard of the game but it sounds excellent. Off to google it now! And Twinset makes a good point - if you are aware that you're in a rut that's half the battle won. It's the people who drift along and then 30 years later realise they're not really fulfilled or happy who really have a problem.

[twinsetandpearls]

here on amazon

[singingmum]

Wasn't sure that my dp would be interested but he actually asks to play it more than I think of it also men seem to respond to a game that might make the whole bedroom time thing more fun.Must admit just using the cards seperate from the game can be fun and might be worth showing him it and finding his opinion if you think it may help or even just make up a version of getting to know each other for yourself might be fun

[twinsetandpearls]

I suspect he would agree to most things if there was a shag at the end of it

[singingmum]

Should mention that you find yourself drawn into using the higher levels sometimes.
My dp bought 2 cards to tell me how much he loved me and I felt elated for days afterwards thanks to this game

[Jacaranda]

Wow sounds great! I might have to order us one

[Martha200]

Cook together, actually more of DH thinks up something nice, he cooks and I sit and chat to him.

Meal out somewhere different, somewhere we wouldn't take the children!

Evening where we cheese and biscuit it with bottle of wine and listen to music. (something we did a lot on friday evenings when we were younger!)Guess this is making the time to talk.

It is good that you both recognise the rut and want to do something about it - have fun

[Skramble]

So many good ideas that can make a difference.

Date night once a week if you can't get a babysitter then rent a video or have a nice meal.

Don't let the kids take over at night, strict bedtimes and good sleeping habits make the world of difference, if you take turns spending ages upstairs getting the kids off to sleep, make a vow to tackle this now and claim your evenings back.

Stop listening half heartedly and actualy listen properly, you might not give a toss if they have some fantastic new machine in his work, or he might not care about your company losing a contract but what is importnat is to listen to how they feel about this news how it will affect them etc.

Change habits, think about the little ruts you are in, like always sitting at the same bit at opposite ends of the settee, sounds silly but move get out your comfort zone and make an effort.

Family time is important too, going to the park together or for a walk or pizza hut, whatever but taking the time together as a family and working on strengthening your partnership as parents is good too, working as a team to deal with upsets and tantrums and smiling proudly while watching him interacting with the kids.

Write a love letter or a little note, under his pillow or in his lunch box.

Don't send all your time on Mumsnet, switch off and go and cuddle hubby .

[cheeset]

Too late, hubby went to bed all alone

[Bonifacio]

I second singingmums idea of the Monogamy game. I bought it and me and DP have a great time playing it. ALso a vacation always does it for us!