Mr.McD ....

[Kally]

Altho we finished up on a sad/freindly note, I feel gutted. I have tried to be rational about all of this.
This morning he called me and it brought tears to my eyes. He was trying to be upbeat and asked how my days had been. Told me about how his DS is starting school tomorrow etc. Asked about my DD.
Tonite I have another date (2nd) with the new guy. I was clinging to it like it was my lifeline but altho early days I have already got it on the doomed list. Unfairly so. Maybe this method of doing things is all wrong.
McD wants to talk to me later tonite when he gets back from work (it'll be after I get back from date as DD has school tomorrow and I want to be back early'ish to get her to bed etc).
He has probably been thinking about what my request was and proportionalised it. He has a tendency to think things thru and not act brashly. (One of the things I love about him).
I now feel so bad about all of this and I feel I am just too old for all this romance game. My heart aches, my stomach is in knots and I am off to mince in dating some nice man that is hopeful with me and yet I am just 'using' him really as my thoughts are elsewhere.
Is this bad of me?

McD may come about with 'opening doors and it's all been a big misunderstanding' re: me not being part of his life/home, him just coming here all this time.

My point when I discussed this with him in our last conversation was that it'll never flourish if he doesn't give me free access to his life as I have with him. To which he balked and said he has never stopped me fron going to his. (Which he hasn't and may have just been cooincidence that it never worked out every time)...

When I heard him on the phone today my heart was beating, I was so glad to hear his voice. I find myself all lifted up now, compared to yesterday where I was on autopilot.
What shall I do? I am so mixed up when really at my age, I should have all the rational answers/solutions.

[moonmother]

Haven't posted before Kally, but I have been following your story.

In my experiences with men (some good some bad) I always now go with my 'gut' instinct, as after following it for the past 5-6 years it's never let me down.

As for rational answers/solutions...in the matters of love , sadly I don't think we ever do have all the answers, well yes we may have all our answers, but love and relationships have two people in them and whilst we may have all our answers the other person more often than not doesn't.

Maybe after being left to think about your situation MrMcd has had time to reflect and perhaps wants to make it work? To find some solution.

I would go meet your 2nd date and see how it goes, then hear what MrMcd has to say, and play it from there.

As for 'using' the other Guy, a 2nd date is nothing your just getting to know each other.

[Kally]

My 'gut instincts' have been confusing me. My gut tells me we really love one another, we just have 'obstacles to overcome' (which is something he always says but sees them as managable with patience).
I am not a very patient person yet everything I do in life takes more than regular amount of time, so I think it's a kind of test I always have to run.
My 'gut' also tells me that he should have opened up by now and let me share his life, but that hasn't happened. (He sees this as just a matter of 'it's easier for me to come to you'). True.
McD is not a romantic person, but, I feel very very genuine. And yet all these 'unknowns' create insecurities. He once philosphically said (and I love this) : Assumption is the Playground for Frustration.
(So I say, so if you know that then you should not leave me to assume). Right?

I guess going out with the new guy can be just on a friendly basis, which is fair enough. But I know he is going OTT to impress me. He is very interested and a lovely sweet man who has been lonely (as far as I know) for quite a few years. I would like us to be companions anyway as we have a lot to chatter about. (I didn't have that 'click' with him physically but then these things can develope as time goes on and you get to know them)that phrase being one I hate but there is a certain amount of truth in it.
I am trying hard, I just don't know what direction I am going in anymore.

[InsidiousViolet]

I don't know Kally, to be honest something about Mr McD just rings alarm bells for me.

[Alexa808]

Dear Kally, I'm sorry to hear you are sad and miss Mr.McD. I followed your threads and can honestly say I've been there and felt the same. My surprise really was a nasty one. Had I only listened to my gut instinct, to my parents, my godmother... Had, had, had...it's all in the past now but it caused me all sorts of trouble. I even got shingles from all the stress!

Btw: I thought that ex & I, if we only stodd together we could 'overcome' problems and 'us against the world' approach. It was all bulls and I had to pay, suffer and be stalked and fall ill, had my family and friends pestered and upset as a result of me not listening to sense.

Point is: he can say all he wants, you haven't seen anything actioned and God knows he's had more than enough chances/time to get into gear and let you have access.

Roll with the new date and focus on the future. You sound very lovely and understanding and I think you should give the new guy a chance. After an engagement break-up I was so down and out I couldn't stop crying, my heart literally felt like breaking, yet after a few months I was being charmed by someone nearly 5 yrs younger and I just went for it. It didn't last as I moved countries again, but he did make me smile, laughed my worries away and made me feel like a million bucks. He was my 'crutch' when I felt my life had been shattered.

I second IV, I don't have a good feeling about MrMcD and would really advise you to firmly look elsewhere and start anew.

I hope you'll get better!!