Talk

Advanced search

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Does mother(parent)hood mean losing your mojo?

(16 Posts)
coolbeans Sat 09-Aug-08 21:22:18

Your own, or the one in your your relationship. I feel like it's taken mine away. Not that I'm unhappy, because I've got my beautiful child, but I feel very different. Less sexy, less confident about womanliness, (is that even a word?), less alluring, somehow.

Sat looking at my OH, gently farting away on the sofa, who will at some stage fall asleep watching TV, I think who are we? I don't blame him, because part of the comfort of a longterm relationship is familiarity, but it is mundane isn't it? I've got La Perla underwear that I couldn't even get a leg into anymore sitting forlornly in my drawer and I'd feel ridiculous even wearing these days, (what with the mashed banana in my hair). And I haven't got the energy with small child, full time job, blah, blah, blah to do much about it, and I don't know what I'd do anyway. I'm rambling, so I'lll stop and wonder if anyone else felt anything like this, and if so, does it get better?

PortBlacksandResident Sat 09-Aug-08 21:28:53

I never really felt as if i (and therefore we) lost my sexual Mojo even though i've put on 2 stone since having 2 DSs.

However my creative / business Mojo - well.................that is lost in the mists of time right now - i'm desperatly trying to get it back and it's really tough (i'm an artist / illustrator and was relativly successful before DSs).

Still bonking though wink.

moondog Sat 09-Aug-08 21:30:29

It can do. How old is yuor child?
I'dveto farting on sofa and fallin g asleep there.Igo nuts if my dh does thsat.

PortBlacksandResident Sat 09-Aug-08 21:30:35

Not meaning to sound smug there btw. I'm finding it soooo hard to get my Mojo back, i really am.

PotPourri Sat 09-Aug-08 21:35:08

IT's all about tiredness I reckon. The secret is to keep doing it, even if you don't really fancy it. And as your DC gets bigger, you won;t have that banana hair thing going on, just that sense of achievement that you have grown a wonderful self-sufficient child who doesn't even need to you spoon food in any more....

You're not alone in this, but it will pass and the 'fire' will burn again, if you make sure it doesn't flicker out that is.

ByTheSea Sat 09-Aug-08 21:48:24

Frankly, it took me almost two years after each baby to really want it (although we kept somewhat active), but the sex has been better than ever (and it was always great) since then, even though I'm three stone heavier blush than I used to be. It'll come back -- it's hard when the DC are little.

TracksuitLover Sat 09-Aug-08 21:51:02

When the children are still babies under a year old it's understandable that you don't want sex so much and don't feel so attractive because you are knackered, stressed, oozing milk if you are still breastfeeding, still recovering from birth and adjusting to your new life with children.

I went through this but then my sex drive went through the roof! It is higher than it ever was before children. I feel more attractive than ever before. Once things settle down this might happen for you too! My DCs are 5 and 3.

AbricotsSecs Sat 09-Aug-08 22:12:11

Message withdrawn

morningpaper Sat 09-Aug-08 22:26:20

toss out small underwear

invest in some BIGGER sexy underwear

tell caveman to stop farting

things will improve

cariad68 Sat 09-Aug-08 22:35:09

Breastfeeding made me concentrate on my child not on my husband, child now 3 and still not that interested! If your OH doesn't do it for you tell him or use your imagination. Sex is not the be all of a relationship so stop beating yourself up- togetherness, communication is what matters and actually liking the person you are with- is he a good father a family man- it is difficult to adjust at first, the grass is not greener on ther other side just different- you are on an amazing journey together as parents-

coolbeans Sat 09-Aug-08 23:26:09

What lovely encouraging words and ideas - I shall certainly take them into account, alongside investing in a packet of Deflatine and/or charcoal biscuits for DH.

It's not just the sexual side, though that is a big part of it as sex seems, I don't know, some sort of a faintly embarrassing exercise at the moment. But, it does goes wider than that. I think I'm wondering about the huge changes that you go through when you become a parent and how you, and others, come to see yourself and if you're comfortable with that person/image. And I'm not sure how I do feel. Oh dear, all very abstract, and probably triggered by unexpectedly seeing a graduation photo of myself, today (uni was more than 10 years ago shock how the hell did that happen?

AbricotsSecs Sun 10-Aug-08 00:12:45

Message withdrawn

Tortington Sun 10-Aug-08 00:15:11

you need to fcous your attention outwards.

Kally Sun 10-Aug-08 10:33:49

Years ago, when heavily PG with my first child, I remember thinking (rather self centerdly) that I would probably have big baggy boobs and tyres and a droopy bum after having DD1. Well I didn't get time to think for long and fell PG with DS2 and I was HUGE. I'd gone from 8.5 (prePG1) stone to this whale. Nearly 3 years of breastfeeding etc etc... I never really went back down and stayed for years around the 11 stone mark (5ft 2)...
It bothered me all the time, but one day I heard some fellas at work talking in a strangley serious way about women. One said he preferred his wifes body after she had had kids. Said she was softer, mature, rounder how he loved her butt more now...the other guy was nodding his head in agreement and said the body with a few more miles on it, is a far more exciting walk.
I thought they were really sweet. They weren't old fogies or anything , just regular guys/dads... Don't forget men change too.. thats the beauty of nature. feel good about yourself, the best stuff comes from within.

jasper Sun 10-Aug-08 11:51:42

YES! YES! YES!
I am so glad I am not the only one. My youngest is now 6 and still no sign of my mojo sad

ILikeToMoveItMoveIt Sun 10-Aug-08 12:03:23

I'm another one in the use it or lose it camp. After ds1 I wasn't really interested with sex at first, more to keep dh interested. That may sound shocking, but it was something I decided to do, not because of pressure from dh.

When we all have such busy lives, sex is one of the few ways I feel connected to dh, and the more we do it, the more we enjoy it, the better it gets, and the more connected and considerate of each other we become.

I don't think I've explained this very well, but hopefully you may understand what I'm trying to say.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now