Over eight years ago I worked with a great guy and I think I am still in love with him. We used to go for coffee and the odd drink and got on really well. I haven't seen him for ages but have always thought about him. Recently I found out he was on Facebook and have been flirting with him quite outrageously. The thing is, he is married with two kids and I have two of my own. I want to ask him if he has feelings for me but don't know if this will ruin my chances with him. My DH is loving but I'm afraid he is quite dull and I have been thinking of leaving him. Am I living in cuckoo land?
No, he's not got feelings for you. He's having an idle flirtation on Facebook and quite possibly saying to his DW, here, look, remember that bird I used to work with who had a thumping great crush on me? She's still all gooey over me, what a laugh. Or if he's a nice friendly chap he will just be having nice friendly chats with you via Facebook and not really thinking about you at all between times.
If you want to have sex outside your primary relationship, there are dating agencies for married people. Or you and your DH could try a swingers' club or party: they are great fun if you know what you are doing. But don't waste your time pursuing someone who was never that interested in the first place (or he would have made a move when you worked together).
Sounds a bit like you've got your 'girly' head on. Situations like this usually mean that something is lacking on the home front. try putting the energies that you are spending on Facebook into your partner and maybe rekindle things. Its a bit stupid to jeopordise a whole marriage for some flighty type facebook thing. Men have egos too and I bet solidgoldbrass is right. At least try to think of it that way and it may curb your silliness before it goes to far.
It's also worth remembering (not just the OP but everyone) that just because you feel love for someone doesn't mean that they are 'meant' for you or any other rubbish. They may not even know you exist. Maybe your marriage is not working out and you would be better off separating, but some bloke you went for a coffee with 8 years ago is not the solution to your problems.
Poor DH. I'd give anything for a lovely dull, faithful and trusting DH.
Stop it now and be a decent person, you're feeling restless for some reason obviously but this needs addressing within yourself not involving someone else..it'll be really upsetting for you and you'll lose your dignity by asking him.
Sorry to be blunt. Do the right thing while you have the chance
oh grow up - I could call you some choice names but I wont ...and people wonder why the OW gets such a rough deal on MN - you freely admit you are flirting and pursuing a married man with kids - I guess any heartache wouldn't be your fault or responsibilty either - there are names for women like you