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I love him but does he have feelings for me?

(15 Posts)
SueMunch Fri 08-Aug-08 09:43:51

Over eight years ago I worked with a great guy and I think I am still in love with him. We used to go for coffee and the odd drink and got on really well. I haven't seen him for ages but have always thought about him. Recently I found out he was on Facebook and have been flirting with him quite outrageously. The thing is, he is married with two kids and I have two of my own. I want to ask him if he has feelings for me but don't know if this will ruin my chances with him. My DH is loving but I'm afraid he is quite dull and I have been thinking of leaving him. Am I living in cuckoo land?

zippitippitoes Fri 08-Aug-08 09:45:56

you are married he is married

higly unlikely he has feelings for you anyway

theinsider Fri 08-Aug-08 09:48:48

Forget him. You say you're still in love with him but all that happened was the odd drink and yo got on really well.

If you're looking around then that's symptomatic of a problem in your marriage/life - boredom probably the best bet. Chasing after this guy won't help anything.

PS Have you seen the thread advertising discussing the website for married people looking for affairs?

solidgoldbrass Fri 08-Aug-08 09:53:25

No, he's not got feelings for you. He's having an idle flirtation on Facebook and quite possibly saying to his DW, here, look, remember that bird I used to work with who had a thumping great crush on me? She's still all gooey over me, what a laugh. Or if he's a nice friendly chap he will just be having nice friendly chats with you via Facebook and not really thinking about you at all between times.

If you want to have sex outside your primary relationship, there are dating agencies for married people. Or you and your DH could try a swingers' club or party: they are great fun if you know what you are doing. But don't waste your time pursuing someone who was never that interested in the first place (or he would have made a move when you worked together).

VinegarTits Fri 08-Aug-08 09:59:08

Yes, your living in cuckoo land i would say

Kally Fri 08-Aug-08 10:47:20

Sounds a bit like you've got your 'girly' head on.
Situations like this usually mean that something is lacking on the home front. try putting the energies that you are spending on Facebook into your partner and maybe rekindle things. Its a bit stupid to jeopordise a whole marriage for some flighty type facebook thing. Men have egos too and I bet solidgoldbrass is right. At least try to think of it that way and it may curb your silliness before it goes to far.

Irisheyes78 Fri 08-Aug-08 10:56:48

You should be ashamed of yourself, you are both married ffs.

lemonstartree Fri 08-Aug-08 11:02:26

Grow Up and put some work into your marriage,. Stop flirting and make an effort to flirt with your dh.

the otherway heartache lies

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight Fri 08-Aug-08 11:04:09

Still in love with someone that you went for a few drinks with 8 years ago...

you were never in love with him in the first place! Get over it.

lilacclaire Fri 08-Aug-08 11:11:41

Your focussing on him because your dissatisfied in your marriage.

Make a huge effort in your marriage, do you flirt outrageously with your DH?

Give your marriage your best shot, if it isnt working then walk away without getting anyone else involved (or trying to at least).

His DW is probably fully aware of your messages, stop being so niave, she is his wife and mother of his children.

solidgoldbrass Fri 08-Aug-08 17:39:08

It's also worth remembering (not just the OP but everyone) that just because you feel love for someone doesn't mean that they are 'meant' for you or any other rubbish. They may not even know you exist. Maybe your marriage is not working out and you would be better off separating, but some bloke you went for a coffee with 8 years ago is not the solution to your problems.

Kally Fri 08-Aug-08 17:48:51

Here, here lilacclaire...

Flightputsonahat Fri 08-Aug-08 17:58:12

Poor DH. I'd give anything for a lovely dull, faithful and trusting DH.


Stop it now and be a decent person, you're feeling restless for some reason obviously but this needs addressing within yourself not involving someone'll be really upsetting for you and you'll lose your dignity by asking him.

Sorry to be blunt. Do the right thing while you have the chance smile

macdoodle Fri 08-Aug-08 19:32:23

oh grow up - I could call you some choice names but I wont angry ...and people wonder why the OW gets such a rough deal on MN - you freely admit you are flirting and pursuing a married man with kids - I guess any heartache wouldn't be your fault or responsibilty either - there are names for women like you angry

girlnextdoor Fri 08-Aug-08 20:01:52

You weren't in love with him then even- the odd coffee and drink don't amount to love.

I do feel for you- and you won't get the answer you want here ( been so many posts like yours and the answers are always the same)...

Sort out marriage then date.

Leave Facebook man alone.

Or- flirt, date Facebook man, cause marriage rifts, end up hurt or with Facebook man but with two broken families.


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