grumpy husband

[conway]

As my husband is getting older (49) and after 12 years of marriage and 2 young kids he is getting more critical.
He is always picking on me about the state of the house and says that if he was a house husband he would have the place immaculate.
I work part time and even with an excellent cleaner nothing is ever good enough.
Even if we go out for the day he is always going on about things I forgotten and if we get lost it is the end of the world.
It is just so hard to relax with him.
Tonight he is out and boy am I glad.
It may be inherited as his sister seems similar.
Anyone have similar experiences.

[tinytoessize4]

dear conway, can relate here...my partner, much as i love him to bits can be a little bit of a perfectionist. its not the end of the world but it can get a little trying when you have a small son to look after and the house to clean. he is apart from that flaw a model partner, and not afraid to set to and do things (even though he huffs and puffs and takes twice as long as i would and reaches a similar standard.)best to just grin and bare it if thats the only fly i nthe ointment. sometimes his perfectionism can be quite funny, and his 'you always misplace things' but how come he never finds things where he left them and its down to me to search for them? he's 12 years older than me and approaching his forties (3 years off) so i think its just an ageing thing!!

[time4me]

I have a grumpy dh and I moaned about him to some friends a few years ago.They went on about their darling dhs,the bouquets they got,their thoughtfulness.They are all divorced now.At the time I felt awful towards my dh but this sort of thing can be just superficial,and if they are solid underneath it could be worse.You could have a word with him but try to focus on the positive and enjoy your space when you get it.I think these type of men do love their wives deeply and it is just an outlet,tho an irritating one.

[missingtheaction]

is he a perfectionist, or is he over-critical of you? Is he the same with everyone else (work etc) and in the same way? If it's directed at you then it would seem he is unhappy about something and taking it out on you. It may not be about you but about him - does he feel under stress at work (which comes out as him feeling he is making more effort than you hence criticising you for 'your' bits like housework etc?). Worth getting to the bottom of it because otherwise it could escalate and have a very bad impact on your marriage.

[galletti]

Not helpful at all, but I can guarantee you it is not an age thing. More about the person himself/herself, I would say. Sorry, but I am 45, my husband is 48, and we are just as untidy/tidy as we ever were. And, forgive me, but I do get a little bit tired of people deciding mid forties is old. Whatever happened to forties is the new thrity?

But, I do have sympathy for you, and I think if you can, you need to sit down with him and ask him why he feels the need to complain/criticise like he does, does he realise that this is driving a wedge between you and making you and your family life miserable?