In-laws forgot DS's first birthday

[frazzledgirl]

This is such a small thing - but honestly. No present, no card, not even a phone call.

They have a lot of grandchildren and see lots of some (mainly the ones who live round the corner) and almost none of others (we live many hundreds of miles away but visit every few months; there are GC 20 miles away they see less). So fairly hands-off.

MIL will complain about kids never phoning her but won't call because 'she doesn't want to butt in', to give you the general idea.

But I know the see-lots-of GC get birthday presents, so it isn't a policy. They've just forgotten.

Feel can never say anything, even to DP. Don't know if he's embarrassed or hurt or what but don't want to make a big deal of it just in case.

[lou031205]

Has your DP not noticed?

[amner]

Thats very sad. You need to get DH to speak to them.

Its not the same thing at all, and I'm not bothered by it but my inlaws always forget our wedding anniversary, and my parents always remember and send a card.

I make a point of leaving it around so its there when they visit. She's such a nosey old boot I know she'll notice it

Sorry that this has happened to you.

[kerala]

It is hurtful. My ILs also forgot and dd is their first and only GC

I mentioned about a little party on the date and the response was "what for?". Then when I said why they were quick to list reasons why they couldnt come. Then they make snidey remarks about the "other" grandparents seeing more of dd. Things have improved but only because we have made more of an effort with them. Odd people.

[lovelysongbird]

sorry to hear that how sad for you all.
how many gc have they got? and how many children?my mum and dad are quite like this
i know it doesn't relly help though

[frazzledgirl]

Big family, more than ten GC. They seem to enjoy seeing him, tho MIL doesn't ever go to pick him up, cuddle him or anything. DP reckons she's not really a 'baby' person.

Did ask DP, casually, if they 'did' GC birthdays and he said he didn't know.

He gets a card and present on his b'day. I think I've had cards in the past, too. Can't remember as (this thread notwithstanding)I'm not usually too hung up on birthdays... but this is (a) my PFB and (b) clearly their best and most superior GC yet so feel they damn well should remember

[milknosugar]

do they have email> email a pic of him with his birthday cake. or post it if they havent. very gentle reminder

[frazzledgirl]

I like it! Think they do have email, will mention to DH. He'll probably just want to forget it, though.

[lovelysongbird]

yeah see what your dh thinks.

well doen for gtting through the 1st year !

[frazzledgirl]

OK, DH mentioned last night that he'd spoken to his mum since the weekend about something completely different (he had to phone) and she wished DS a happy birthday.

So either covering the tracks of having forgotten really well, or just deliberately didn't get in touch.

He seems to think this is normal. "They don't phone me, you know that".

I still think it's a bit poor. It's not the lack of gift - my family and our friends have filled our house with stuff for their adored GS/nephew/cousin/whatever and we have no more space!

And during the call she got a dig in at those of her children 'who live nearer but we don't hear from'. I ask you.

[biglips]

i thought everyone inc my mum forgotton about my DD's first bday and i was so gutted....but i rcvd cards a few days later after her bday. Everyone thought we wanted to spend time on our own with our first child.....then came along her 2nd bday, she got loads of pressies off everyone

[Chocolateteapot]

I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing as weird as other people's families, DH's in particular.

Having had any expectations completely broken down now DD is 9.5, I don't actually have any and it is far better. DH is very aware of how detached his father is from our live, his mother was too but she died recently. My mouth is now firmly shut apart from select friends I periodically rant to about the whole thing. This way my sanity stays intact.

[ghosty]

My in laws regularly forget DS' and DD's birthdays. I am used to it now. It is sad but life is too short to be bitter ...

[MamaGLovesMe]

You are entitled to be upset.

I have no family but DH has a fairly big one and I send everyone birthday cards, anniversary cards and Christmas cards. DH and I don't always get birthday cards, none of his cousins send cards to my children and it does hurt. DH said not to send cards to them but I still do.