Has anyone seen my sex drive??

[LostLabido]

Hiya

I'm an incognito regular and wondered if anyone has the same problem and could help me?

It seems that whenever i get into a new relationship, i have a high sex drive and cant get enough of the fella. Anyway, once they move in etc, my sex drive goes waaaaay down hill and i'm just not interested any more! What's made it worse is the birth of our daughter nearly 8 months ago. Ever since i got pg i haven't fancied sex and i certainly dont really fancy it now either, 8 months down the line!

It's not that i dont love DP, i do, very much so, but it's almost as if once i was pg, the job of having sex had served it's purpose, if that makes sense. I do also enjoy it once we've got going but having said that, if he were to jump off suddenly and turn over and go to sleep i wouldn't be disappointed!

DP is younger than me and has quite a high sex drive and i find that i have to just pretend that i'm interested in "it" when he wants a bit of the other, so that i dont upset him. I can say no, of course, but i do feel bad for him if i turn him down too often. I love him dearly and want him to feel loved and to please him.

Has anyone got any tips on how i get my drive back? I dont want to feel like this forever!

[BitOfFun]

I know this might be controversial, but I am a believer in the "use it or lose it" school of thought - even if you don't feel like it especially, maybe try doing it anyway, relax and try to let yourself enjoy it. I think that once you start making it a regular part of your time together, you can re-connect with your sex drive. I know it goes against logic, but if you expect the feelings to just come back on their own, you might be waiting a long time...Fantasy is always good too, I think. Maybe you could get a little buzz out of imagining a scenario where you are being ravished against your will but secretly enjoying it, or being persuaded into it by the sheer physical pleasure, whatever, but make your "reluctance" part of what's in your head at the time and kind of make it work for you? I really do think that once you are back in the swing of regularly enjoying it, then desire seems to find a way of re-appearing. Kind of "suck it and see" and let the happy hormones that regular sex brings kick in...

Hope that helps - it's worked for me in the past anyway, and me and DP never seem to go more than a couple of days without, and we are much much closer for it, but if I went with the lazy don't feel like it feeling I would probably get used to that too, but miss out on the closeness as a consequence...

Hope this helps {hugs], x

[thumbwitch]

Lostlibido - are you bf'ing? Cos the hormones can suppress libido - as I keep telling my poor DH! Also 8m after having DS and couldn't feel less like having sex! Luckily for me, DH doesn't have a very high sex drive but he is getting a bit frustrated now

If you aren't bf'ing, then see if any of BotOfFun's recommendations work - if you ARE bf'ing, then you might have to wait until you stop.

[QueenyEisGotTheBall]

i am the same unfortunately lostlibido
ever since i had my DD (shes now 2.7 ) i have been totally off sex. the thing that i have been doing to try and salvage my sex drive is making sure i have sex with my DH at least once a week and recently i have been fancying it a little more we are also TTC so i have been telling myself i HAVE to do it more often which has helped aswell if you know you enjoy it when it is happening then keep that in mind and say yes more its a natural process and shouldnt be completely forced but a little bit of persuasion in your mind never did any harm
xx ei xx

[LostLabido]

Thanx for your replies everyone.

I'm not currently BF but gave up BFing full time when DD was 5 months and then completely about 3-4 weeks ago. Maybe i still have some BF hormones in me coz i can still squeeze out a droplet or two of milk if i try (!)

I think what you are saying about doing it more often to kick the drive back into action might very well be true.

We've also just been using condoms which are notoriously a passion killer and i'm thinking of going back on the coil until we decide to TTC number 2, which will help matters i think.

I'm so glad i'm not the only one (although i knew i wouldn't be!). I have put DP on a promise tonight because i feel bad about turning him down last night so hopefully that'll help with being a bit more "regular" with it.