what would you do?

[whatwouldyoudo]

Have recently found out that a male friend of mine is cheating on his longterm girlfriend. I get on well with his girlfriend and am so angry with him for doing this to her. I can't look at him in the eye atm, knowing what he is doing. I know I could lose him over this too..

[Earlybird]

Tell him that you know, and it makes you uncomfortable. It's dishonest and will only end in tears. Personally, I have a huge problem with being a party to deceiving someone I like, and who trusts me. I would be inclined to keep my distance from the situation - though I know it is likely to be confusing for the longterm gf. Are you close with her?

[suzywong]

if you really like him and value him as a friend you should tell him you know and tell him he should take a break from girlfriend until he can work out what it is he's really up to

[whatwouldyoudo]

yes, very close to her. I could understand it, if he doesn't love her and finished it , and then went with this other girl, but the fact is he is sleeping with this other girl and still with his gf

[whatwouldyoudo]

I have told him that SW, and he said he can't stay away from the bit on the side, but can't finish it with his gf (he lives with her) as she is fragile

[suzywong]

oh.
Well then threaten to blow the gaff then if he doesn't stop seeing both of them til he can make a decision

[whatwouldyoudo]

me and Dh did think about going to the club where he is meeting his bit of fluff, and having a word with her.

[whatwouldyoudo]

and Dh is going to tell him that I know about it all, and its upset me a lot, and that he risks my friendship.

[beansprout]

Oh, what a little sh*t he is! Unfortunately, I probably wouldn't do anything but be there to pick up the pieces if it all comes out. I am a great believer in leaving other people's relationships alone, even though it can be a bit uncomfortable sitting on the fence sometimes.

[whatwouldyoudo]

I have known him for 20+ years, and can't believe he is doing this, I have told him to finish it with his gf or move out for while till he can work out what he wants, but to stay away from the other girl but he said he can't

[beansprout]

I would tell him what I think of his behaviour but stay out of directly intervening in their relationship.

I wish you well though, this is one of those really crappy situations, and I'm sorry it's happening.

[whatwouldyoudo]

I just want an easy life, he wants the relationship that me and DH have, very loving and understanding (though we have our ups and downs) but he ain't oing get that by sh*gging about, is he??

[whatwouldyoudo]

btw the other girl knows that he has a gf

[whatwouldyoudo]

so should I tell his gf or keep out of it? I hate him for doing this, and I know I very well may lose him over this.

[lou33]

I would keep out of it. You have spoken to him, now it is his decision. By telling his gf you run the risk of becoming the focus of anger and hurt from both of them. He will hold you responsible for the trouble he would be in, and the gf would blame you for all the pain she would feel. Unfortunately you cannot live life for others, even if you can see the mistakes they are making. It is something they have to deal with themselves, and I think by expressing your concern and disapproval, you have done all you can.

[lou33]

I would keep out of it. You have spoken to him, now it is his decision. By telling his gf you run the risk of becoming the focus of anger and hurt from both of them. He will hold you responsible for the trouble he would be in, and the gf would blame you for all the pain she would feel. Unfortunately you cannot live life for others, even if you can see the mistakes they are making. It is something they have to deal with themselves, and I think by expressing your concern and disapproval, you have done all you can.

[lou33]

dunno what happened there, sorry

[SPARKLER1]

I would definitely tell him to speak to his gf about the situation. And tell him that he is being very unfair to put you in this situation too. It must be very awkward being friends with the both of them and he shouldn't expect you to lie to her.

[SPARKLER1]

I don't think you should tell her but should encourage him to do something. Although you feel the right thing to do is to tell her - you won't be thanked for it by either of them. It's something the couple need to sort out themselves.