Im 34... i was very beautiful when i was a young adult, so beautiful i used to turn heads around where ever i go, with my accent and charisma.. life was one big party and i was at the centre of it..
Roll over 10 years... married and divorced with 2 kids.. relationship with kids dad toxic, he wont allow me to move on and he wont move on either.
I simply gave up on being happy and become the best in the situation.. just a mom, a really good one.. a mon that will go beyond and above for my kids.. this is a happy aspect of my life, this is all my life..
Ny hair is uncared for, i havent worn anything other than jeans and a hoodie in many years, i have been single for god know how long the thought of relationship is just hard work...
I also.. look different, a lot different, to the point that i am un recognisable.. i have completely became someone else.. someone lifeless, scared and scarred.
That glimmer in my eyes is gone.. my eyes are dead.. i look tired and neglected.. but i also feel bad looking/unattractive/not worthy of someones heart.. as if, if someone fell for me that someone must be Fd up big time to leave all those beautiful and interesting girls who have big lives going for them to settle for complicated, troubling and unattractive me with nothing to offer..
The thing is, if i put make up on, get my hair done .. i dont look good, i look like a bad cake covered with worse buttercream..
Donno if that even makes sense.. i guess i am lonely and would like to feel loved.
I hope this os just a phase, i hope i can find myself again and fight this path
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Relationships
Needed rant. Feeling old, unattractive and unworthy of love.
7 replies
Tadmad · 14/10/2021 17:55
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