Did I do the right thing?

(16 Posts)
bioandme Thu 14-Oct-21 09:54:45

A few weeks ago I split up with my partner. We'd only been together for a year but something didn't feel quite right. I feel for him, but I don't love him like you see in movies. I think I just got a bit bored.

I think I've made a massive mistake. Whilst things weren't perfect, I've realised how good he was. He was devastated and decided to go no contact.

I wasn't sure if I wanted to settle down. But I've realised that he was genuinely such a good guy. He was my best friend and I miss him immensely. I haven't been that close to someone for years, and we had a great sex life. But I've hurt him, and pushed him away, despite him being in love with me.

OP’s posts: |
EvenMoreFuriousVexation Thu 14-Oct-21 09:58:46

but I don't love him like you see in movies

Really?! Look, the relationships you see in movies bear as much resemblance to reality as Need For Speed does to me driving to the Asda carpark.

Was this your first serious relationship?

bioandme Thu 14-Oct-21 10:31:02

I get that, I really do. But I always felt something was missing. There were moments when I felt the spark but I think I deserve more.

No it wasn't. This was my fourth boyfriend. None have compared to my first.

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litterbird Thu 14-Oct-21 10:48:16

Something was obviously wrong for you, you acted on your gut feeling and now you have a common feeling of dumpers regret. This will pass and once you have space for a while you will realise it was the best thing. He is now deeply hurt and needs time to recover from the failed relationship. He did the best thing and go NC with you. Leave him alone to process everything. One more thing, I am afraid you will never find a Disney relationship as you see in the movies....they only exist in the cinema.

bioandme Thu 14-Oct-21 14:56:26

I really want to see him though. Maybe just to hang out and be friends.

OP’s posts: |
tickertock Thu 14-Oct-21 15:06:12

You could reach out to him, test the waters and see how he is, maybe he'll give you another chance but don't get in touch and ask to be just friends that is cruel.
Know definitely what you want to do first but be prepared in case he doesn't want a reconciliation.

ftw163532 Thu 14-Oct-21 15:14:18

This just sounds like the bargaining part of grief.

You ended things because it wasn't right and now you're re-writing history and scrambling to rewind so that you don't have to have these feelings.

Although I do agree that using films as a model for how to live is a terrible strategy unless you want to lead a wildly dysfunctional life.

You wouldn't try and model your life on Paw Patrol so don't try and model it on bullshit romcoms either.

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notacooldad Thu 14-Oct-21 15:18:21

If you had only been together for about a year why was he your best friend?

What wasn't right about your relationship?
Are you looking back at with the rose tinted glasses on?

Shitapillar Thu 14-Oct-21 15:22:18

bioandme

I really want to see him though. Maybe just to hang out and be friends.

Don't be so bloody selfish. He's gone no contact because he needs to grieve for the loss of what he thought was his future and for someone he loves. Let him get on. You felt something was missing and you did something about it. Don't get buyers regret, other people's feelings are at play here. It's not a game where you can dither, it's real life.

litterbird Thu 14-Oct-21 15:27:44

bioandme

I really want to see him though. Maybe just to hang out and be friends.

Don’t….he has gone NC for a reason, he doesn’t want to see you so he can get over you. You are just going through the phases of a break up. This will pass as I said before. Leave him be for now. If he has feelings for you and wants to see you let him contact you.

kwarantina Thu 14-Oct-21 23:28:40

Either leave him go or love him.

JustKittenAround Fri 15-Oct-21 00:58:13

Explain how he has gone no contact. Has he just not replied to you or has he said so?

JustKittenAround Fri 15-Oct-21 01:00:08

PS If he has any self respect he won’t hang out or be friends if he wanted more. That cruel.

No contact will put things into perspective for him. He will be able to discover himself again, maybe have some fun with other girls… maybe not.

Spend this time working on yourself. Because he will not be sitting and waiting like people do on the movies

MsDogLady Fri 15-Oct-21 01:44:49

Stop being so self-serving. He is devastated and grieving, so why would you rub his nose in it by suggesting a platonic friendship? Have some empathy and respect his wishes. ‘Hanging out’ would be totally untenable for him.

kwarantina Fri 15-Oct-21 10:31:01

I agree. Why would he want to be friends with you? Or why would you want to be friends with him?

Are you certain you wanted to break up with him? or do you just think the grass is greener on the other side?

ValerieCupcake Fri 15-Oct-21 10:36:27

* I feel for him, but I don't love him like you see in movies.*

No hang on until you feel you have a relationship like Chloe and Papi in Beverly Hills Chihuahua. Then you will have found the right chap.

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