Strange comments

(52 Posts)
Becky221 Thu 22-Jul-21 20:57:10

Recently dating a guy. He seems nice, has a good job, good looking, kind. However he has made an inappropriate joke on a number of occasions.

I told him I’d beat his ass at football, jokingly. He wrote back saying he’d destroy my ass (in general) meaning the sexual way.

It’s not the first time he’s said this exact phrase. I think it’s really disrespectful, he thinks it’s a laugh

I’ve told him I don’t want to hear that again. I can’t help but think this makes him really immature

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Becky221 Thu 22-Jul-21 20:58:29

Oh and a big turn off for me

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AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 22-Jul-21 21:00:16

Throw him back into the dating pool from where he came. You deserve better than repeatedly hearing such crap from a man.

Becky221 Thu 22-Jul-21 21:02:43

I just don’t know whether I’m being overly sensitive? I think he’s trying to be funny

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Megasausagehead Thu 22-Jul-21 21:16:33


Men say this to other men, not to women they respect.

I'm guessing he's been single a while. For a good reason.

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 22-Jul-21 21:18:54

Do not compromise your principles or boundaries here by thinking you are too sensitive.

Why do you think he is trying to be funny?. It does not sound like an attempt at humour, he sounds thoroughly annoyed that you said you were going to beat his ass at football. He is a twat.

Blue4YOU Thu 22-Jul-21 21:21:19

😳 that’s the kind of thing my DH might say to me (not that bad but along those lines). It’s probably not intended to be as grim as it sounds


Becky221 Thu 22-Jul-21 21:22:51

I haven’t been dating him that long.

I just don’t like comments like that. I’m by no means a prude but this just turns me. I want to be respected

It’s his sense of humour which I don’t find funny

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Becky221 Thu 22-Jul-21 21:23:26

Feel like I can’t break up with him solely on that basis though

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QueenCarrot Thu 22-Jul-21 21:27:05

You can break up with him on any basis you like. Or for no reason except that you want to.

HoollyWugger Thu 22-Jul-21 21:28:18


Feel like I can’t break up with him solely on that basis though

Oh, you absolutely can!!

ahoyshipmates Thu 22-Jul-21 21:28:49


Feel like I can’t break up with him solely on that basis though

If you haven't been dating long and he's coming out with remarks like that when he should be on his best behaviour, I wonder what he'll be like in a few months' time.

Fleetw00d Thu 22-Jul-21 21:30:50

This would massively give me the ick. I have no desire to have my ass, or anything, destroyed as that doesn't enjoyable at all. I also think guys who say this have neither the tools nor the skill to do any destroying 🤣

trunumber Thu 22-Jul-21 21:31:05

Not having the same sense of humour is a massive reason to break up! As is him ignoring you asking him not to make crude comments to you.

aubreyii Thu 22-Jul-21 21:35:07

God no way. Sexual violence and aggression against women is no joking matter. He'd either have to understand that and feel remorse for being so crass, or jog on.

Wombat64 Thu 22-Jul-21 21:36:30

Yeah, you can. I used to play poker and came across blogs where lads used that sort of language & some acted it out, deeply unpleasant.

Becky221 Thu 22-Jul-21 21:36:31

He keeps repeating it was a joke & didn’t know it would annoy me as much as it has

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Becky221 Thu 22-Jul-21 21:37:21

He thinks I should just let it go

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Treesinthewind Thu 22-Jul-21 21:38:08

Has he agreed not to say it again?

Polmuggle Thu 22-Jul-21 21:38:32

Did he say it was sexual or did he just say I'll destroy your ass" and you think he means in a sexual way?

Becky221 Thu 22-Jul-21 21:38:42

Yes but it’s the fact he thought it was okay in the first place that bothers me

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Becky221 Thu 22-Jul-21 21:39:32

I know he means it a sexual way. He put a devil face after saying it & joked about it before in person in a sexual context

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johnd2 Thu 22-Jul-21 21:42:24

To be honest i think the important thing is he is listening to how you feel and respecting that. Everyone will say something wrong but it's how they respond and repair it that matters.
You have to decide whether he respects your feelings or not personally i don't think the original content is a cardinal sin, but I'm not you and it's up to you whether it's ok with you.
If you don't feel he respects your feelings even after this then that's a good reason to bin him right now(not that you need one, but if you do, that's 100% compelling)

WhyMeWhyNot21 Thu 22-Jul-21 21:42:58

It totally depends on how it makes you feel and nobody can tell you if you’re being overly sensitive or not. If my DH said that I’d probably roll my eyes at him and move on….it’s just the way his sense of humour is and I’m used to it and he’d never say anything like that in front of other people.
Saying that, it id told him I found it offensive or that it made me feel uncomfortable and he still it, I’d be waving him on his way!

Craftycorvid Thu 22-Jul-21 21:44:30

Ugh! Yup, definitely the plankton in the dating pond. I’d have terminal ick. It’s even worse that there’s no apology when you tell him you find it unfunny and offensive.

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