DH and my sex life is absolutely awful and I don’t know how to fix it. I have absolutely no desire to do anything sexual with him.
It’s always been a bit weird. We got together when we were 20 and it took us 18 months to sleep together fully. We both said we wanted to but it just didn't happen. It really got me down and made me feel ugly at a time when I was already insecure and I never could fully shake that feeling. I wasn't a virgin and DH said he wasn't but I suspect he might not have been telling the truth. I’ve only ever orgasmed with him 3 times.
Some things which I think have contributed are unsuccessfully TTC for 10 years, some weight gain on my end, learning how to make myself orgasm when DH can’t, doing some things together when I was younger that I didn’t really want to do but I didn’t realise I could say no to (not DH’s fault, at all).
I can tell it’s really getting DH down, he’s been really understanding but I know he hates it. I feel like I don’t really miss it, more the idea of it. I do miss feeling close to him though. I daren’t even cuddle up to him or kiss him properly because things start stirring and I can tell he gets his hopes up and the thought of it just absolutely terrifies me. Not even just full sex, but anything. We’ve only had sexual contact about 4 times in the past year. He doesn’t pressure me but I just freeze at the thought and even just thinking about it makes me feel physically sick.
Reading all that back it sounds absolutely horrendous. Despite it all though, we've been together for 15 years and physically I find him attractive. I love him a lot and I still get little tummy flutters every now and again when I think of him or when he gets dressed up if we’re going out, etc. I don’t want to split up with him.
What can I do?
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Sexless marriage
15 replies
namechangeasembarassing · 22/07/2021 20:14
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