How to deal with DP mental health issues?

[andtreescomeabout]

I have been in a relationship for 4 years with a man who I love a lot. He is very kind, funny and has many great qualities. However, he has been struggling with his mental health a lot recently and I'm not sure how I can help him. He has rather severe anxiety which I believe originates from childhood trauma and he has recently admitted to be that some days he wakes up and wishes he was dead.

Last year, I had some CBT to try and help me deal with some issues and it really helped me a lot. I have suggested that DP tries this but he is hesitant and afraid of judgement, despite my reassurance that the therapist will have heard a lot worse and is only there to help. His anxiety does sometimes negatively affect our relationship, he can be quite down and low and sometimes I don't understand his thought processes which leads to arguments. I can't help but feel sometimes that his anxiety will hold him back, and subsequently me if he doesn't get to the bottom of it. He is often reluctant to try new things, isn't as sociable as me etc.

I am very understanding and sensitive of mental health issues and I know that I probably cannot imagine how he feels at times. As bad as it sounds, sometimes I wonder how life would be if I was with someone with less emotional baggage and if this is how I want to live the rest of my life. We are not married and don't have children so that doesn't come into the mix.

I know I love him very much, and he loves me, but is it wrong to leave if he refuses help? Or is this something he has to do in his own time? Please help a confused lady out!

[something2say]

I survived child abuse and had a lot of problems. It wasn't fair. It started when I was too young to have deserved it and it left me behind everyone else.

I got therapy starting at the age of 24. It took years to resolve, but things did slowly get better.

One problem I had was relationships. When I had low self esteem, I chose badly. Often my friends had problems like me, exhibited behaviour that was troubling, not working, drink, drugs, not leaving abusive relationships. As I healed, I had to leave them behind. Many have never healed. One is dead.

My point is, if someone has a broken back, you cannot dance with them. They need extended help over a long time and must choose and engage in that help. If not, they will not be a good partner in life.

Hard but true right?

[MrsVeryTired]

Does he see anyone about his mental health? GP/Counsellor?
Because tbh CBT doesn't suit everyone, I hated it and I would never bother again, whereas counselling I found very useful, also medication for me was the main thing.

I would say that for you to continue he needs to try to access some form of help if it is affecting your relationship.

[randomkey123]

It sounds exhausting OP. If he's not engaging with any kind of help to make this better, this doesn't bode well for any kind of future.

A lot of people had really crappy childhoods and things that they really wish hadn't happened to them. It's bad enough that they destroyed your past though without letting them destroy the future.

[WhatMattersMost]

It is not wrong to leave. In fact, in some ways it's wrong to stay, because, by holding out for him, you are abandoning yourself in the process.

You can't help someone who is unwilling or unable to help themselves. Hoping that they'll become the person you want them to be at some point in the future is unfair on you both.

Live your life. You are not responsible for his.