Co-parenting with a narc

[TheresGotToBeMoreToLife]

My ex husband is impossible to deal with and it's really starting to affect me. I'm aware lockdown is probably compounding this.

I have the children 80% of the time, and him 20% but he always seems to hold the power, exercises control over me with his actions and changes plans last minute.

He would never volunteer to take time off for home schooling, has only seen them the bare minimum throughout 2020. I'm only entitled to £125 a month from him and he buys them absolutely nothing. I feel like him financial, emotional and physical contribution to their lives is minimal. In his head, he is a wonderful father.

He was recently required to isolate for covid related reasons. Another parent at the nursery our youngest attends had expressed concern to the nursery that he was not isolating properly. He threw a strop and now refuses to go to the nursery to collect our son on a Wednesday. This means I need to leave work at 330pm 10 miles away, drive to collect my son, drop him at my husband's house one mile from nursery then travel back to work. Its things like this all the time. He will just not turn up to collect him. I wouldn't even dream of doing this to my sons.

He repeatedly uses my name in texts in such a patronising way. He talks down to me all the time and is often manipulative and rude.

I know theres probably nothing anyone can suggest and this is just the way it might be under the children are older, but my gosh for now, his is so rough. How is it possible someone I split from 3 years and have absolutely no feelings for whatsoever can make me cry with stress and anxiety after ever single exchange?

[AnarchicLemming]

If I read that right, you're picking your son up to drive him to his father's for his father's access visit because his father threw a strop????

He picks up the child as agreed or he doesn't see the child that day. Car breakdown is an excuse, illness is an excuse, being a petulant fuckwit is not an excuse.

Do you have a lawyer involved? If he's literally refusing to fulfil his 20% custody by not turning up then that's grounds for getting his custody reduced as he's unreliable.

[TheresGotToBeMoreToLife]

It's easy enough to say to reduce his access, but I need him to pick up the children once a week.

My job supports my children financially. I already leave work early monday, tuesday and thursday to collect the children myself. On a wednesday he should collect both children but is refusing to collect one of them. I need him to collect them both so I can stay at work longer to make sure I actually fulfil all my hours.