*TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF SUICIDE* My sibling had a suicide attempt

[ejrufjeuihtrtigjrt]

Trigger warning: mentions of suicide.

My sibling, aged 20 had a suicide attempt. We knew they were feeling down due to lockdown but not the extent of their depression. My parents rushed to the hospital but nobody was allowed in due to COVID restrictions so it was an agonising wait to see if they were physically ok.

Luckily they were physically fine. Now my sibling is acting like nothing happened and they are acting 'happier' (for lack of a better word) then they have in months. They are seeing friends again and putting effort into improving their lifestyle such as going for runs etc. I am scared that they are faking being ok, I'm scared that if they are not faking being ok why is there such a rapid change in mood, I am scared to let my guard down for even one second in case they go and attempt again. My sibling won't take any antidepressants and won't see a psychologist.

So far we are making sure my sibling knows we are here for them and we are not letting them be alone unless we know it's when they are on the phone/Zoom to friends. But surely that's not enough? I think they need professional help and I worry that when the momentum of all of their lifestyle changes ends they will be left feeling hopeless again.

I feel completely out of my depth. I have read lots of resources which have been helpful in knowing what to say but I'm still feeling overwhelmed and confused. Does anyone have any advice?

[ejrufjeuihtrtigjrt]

Bump (sorry), just wondering if anyone has gone through anything similar and has any advice?

[Amijustagrump]

My sister attempted twice, it was hard but ultimately she got help and we were there for her. No wise words, just hugs

[Hayeahnobut]

Unfortunately there is very little help for people who have attempted suicide, or for people that you are concerned may do so.

You're doing the right thing by keeping an eye on your sibling, and letting them know you're there if they need to talk or need other help. I would suggest that you get some support for yourself too though, have a chat with your GP or self refer for counselling. The latter can take many months though, so if you can afford private therapy that would be a more immediate help. Also know that you can always call the Samaritans.

[binkyblinky]

I hope they are ok, and you too op x

[ejrufjeuihtrtigjrt]

Your replies have made me cry. Thank you for taking the time to reply.

I hate to sound selfish but I am really, really struggling with it. I feel so helpless and like I'm on eggshells all the time. I am terrified I am accidentally going to say or do something that triggers them to do another attempt. If I'm in the shower when they are waiting I worry that taking too long is going to be the straw that breaks the camel's back and all little things like that. I feel so selfish writing this and making it all about me but it has been difficult and this is the only place I feel comfortable to write about my feelings as, understandably, my sibling has to be everyone's focus at the moment.

[Amijustagrump]

I felt the same. I got pregnant and felt terrified about bringing it to the family at the same time as my sisters issues. I almost resented her. I still feel it sometimes..
However its unreasonable of me, I love her and am so so happy she is safe and in a much better place now

[JessieR2386]

I am so sorry this happened, you must be very, very scared right now. I just wanted to say I read a study a few years ago on some factors that caused someone to successfully complete suicide. And one of the main factors was that the person felt burdensome in some way in their life.... this isn't anyone's fault and can be caused by mental distress and not reality but maybe reach out in some way to show that they are anything but a burden, if it makes you feel like you are doing something ..... after a suicide attempt you feel like the earth below you isn't as firm as you are used to I empathise with that...., you are being supportive by just being there, your sibling will cope with this however way they can.. please don't think that something like waiting on the shower will cause another attempt.

You sound like a caring person and your sibling is lucky to have you.

[MattBerrysHair]

Sorry this has happened to your sibling and your family. You aren't being selfish, you next look after yourself and if you're feeling overwhelmed and scared, which is understandable considering what's happened, it could be useful to speak to a therapist or counsellor to help process everything.

As for your sibling, they may feel genuinely better for the time being and aren't necessarily faking being ok. Surviving suicide can feel cleansing, like wiping the slate clean. All you can do is be supportive and present. It's incredibly worrying and frustrating for the people around the ill person when they won't engage with professional help, but unless they're so poorly they can be sectioned there's no way of intervening.

[ejrufjeuihtrtigjrt]

I think I will speak to my GP next week if I am still feeling like this. I keep crying. I feel anger towards myself, I feel like I have been the worst sister ever. I accidentally slipped into old habits and spoke "normally" to my sibling - they had forgotten to shut the front gate and the dog nearly escaped, I just said "oh make sure you remember to shut the gate so X doesn't run out" and for the first time since they came out of hospital their mood slipped a little and they responded quite abruptly "I know" and my parents, who are understandably quite sensitive and anxious at the moment, had a massive go at me once my sibling had left as if me reminding them to shut the gate will make them attempt again. I feel awful and can't stop crying when I think about it. I have apologised.

@MattBerrysHair I had never heard of that before, that it can feel cleansing. I hope that is the case and that they do genuinely feel better. I think it has been a catalyst for our family to make some changes for the better so hopefully my sibling will be ok.

[eeek88]

I think it is normal to feel very shaken by this, even though your sibling is physically fine and technically crisis has been averted. It makes you question everything and is very scary.

My partner attempted suicide in early 2019 and I think it left me with mild ptsd. I was certainly pretty depressed for about 9 months after the initial crisis had passed, thought I'd never be the same again, but I feel fine now and he seems fine too. 2020 has been a breeze compared to 2019, for me, emotionally, which may put into perspective what a big affect a big thing like this has.

I too was terrified he would do it again, would panic if I couldn't account for his whereabouts and felt a heavy sense of responsibility. Like your sibling he absolutely refused any kind of therapy or medication. This put our relationship under pressure because he was irritated by my worrying and didn't want any fuss. I had to point out that he'd kind of lost the right to be irritated by my worrying when he made me call the police to talk him off a barrel underneath a noose. He gave me my word that he wouldn't do it again, and he is a man of his word, so I just have to believe him, and I do. I don't think his mental health has ever been straightforward and nor will it ever be but things do feel much better now and I can trust him not to do something stupid.

Things will get better. I'd say don't pussyfoot around your sibling toooo much. At some point they need to take some responsibility for the effect this had on others and gain some awareness that this is not in any way an 'easy way out' or a 'relieving of a burden'. Don't tream them like helpless children or expect too much fragility. It's in the past now, and needs to stay in the past.

One thing that has helped is removing some of the stress factors that contributed to it (the stress factor in question died 5 months later after abusing him for the previous 3 years, and things have steadily improved ever since).